Title: Hotter (Part Three)
Author: nishi_shinji
Universe: Final Fantasy
Characters: Zack, Angeal (references to Sephiroth/Zack)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.
Other Parts: Juxtaverse Master List

Summary: Zack can't put a name to how he feels, but with Angeal's help, he's starting to figure it out.

Author's Notes: Lots of expository dialouge, for which I apologize. Beta'ed by ldybastet and special thanks to ships_harry for helping me tame some of the talky-talk.


"Slow down, pup."

Zack slammed his glass down on the coffee table and glared. It was probably unfair for him to be acting that way since Angeal was just looking after him, but he was angry and restless, and the only thing that seemed to be helping was the alcohol.

"Are you ready to explain why I found you on the floor of the lift instead of at your post?" Angeal asked and leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.

Zack opened his mouth to say that no, he didn't feel like explaining, but the wrong words came tumbling out. "I don't get it, I just really don't. We were so close and then everything got all messed up. I don't even know what the hell I did. And I mean, it's got to be me, right? Why else would he be acting like such a bastard?"

Angeal's eyebrows went up by a fraction and the corner of his lips twitched.

It took a second for Zack to realize he'd just referred to Sephiroth as 'he' and a hot flush swept across his cheeks. "Ah hell, I didn't mean to-- you're not uhm-- you know-- are you?"

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd be insulted," Angeal replied, shaking his head. "But to answer your question, no, it doesn't bother me. I figured it out the first time you talked about him, and I'd had my suspicions for awhile before that."

Zack's eyes widened and he could feel his blush darken.

"Relax, puppy." Angeal waved a hand and leaned forward to retrieve his beer from the coffee table. "If it had been someone like Reno, for example, I'd question the thoroughness of your last psychiatric evaluation. The way I see it, you could have done a lot worse. Sephiroth is-- difficult-- but he's a good man."

"Difficult isn't the word I'd use," Zack mumbled, flopping backwards in his seat. Despite the fact that he was still mortified, it was a relief to be able to talk openly about the situation, without trying to hide anything.

Angeal nodded and rubbed his thumb over the neck of his beer bottle. "You know, it can't be easy for Sephiroth to let anyone get close to him."

"But he's already let me get close," Zack complained. "I mean, we've-- well, we've done a lot. I've slept in his bed, for fuck's sake."

"Watch your language," Angeal said, but judging by the thoughtful expression on his face, it was more out of habit than anything. Commander Hewley was infamous for his loathing of vulgar language amongst his troops, even if he was regularly given to using it himself during stressful situations.

Zack huffed and tipped his head back against the cushions to stare up at the ceiling. "So I don't guess you'll tell me what the problem is, because he sure as hell-- heck isn't saying anything."

"I wish I had a simple answer for you." Angeal sat back again, resting his bottle on the arm of his chair. After a few moments of silence and a couple sips of beer, he said, "Zack, you understand how many people Sephiroth has vying for his attention at any given time, don't you? There are thousands of SOLDIER recruits who idolize him. The president makes constant demands on his time, and when he isn't in meetings, he's in the laboratories with Hojo. And that doesn't even begin to address the pressure he's under whenever he's on the battlefield."

Zack let all of that sink in. Of course he realized that Sephiroth was a busy man, but he'd let himself think that he was a respite from all that. Now, he wondered whether that had ever been the case, or if he'd just managed to make things even harder for Sephiroth with his pleading and demands. When he thought about it in those terms, the lingering guilt he'd been feeling knotted itself up in the pit of his stomach and he swallowed hard.

Angeal reached over to squeeze his knee.

Zack shook his head and sighed. "I haven't been acting much better than the rest of them, have I? No wonder he got so mad; I should've just left it alone when he said no."

"The difference is that he obviously cares for you," Angeal replied.

Before he could stop himself, Zack threw his hands in the air and snapped, "But I still don't get why he keeps pushing me away!"

Angeal looked very much like he wanted to roll his eyes, which was Zack's clue that he was probably being dense again.

Unfortunately, after a few moments had passed, he still wasn't any closer to coming up with an explanation. Frustrated with himself and the entire situation in general, he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. Through his fingers, he mumbled, "I just don't know what he wants."

"The same thing the rest of us want at the end of the day, I expect," Angeal replied, and his voice had taken on a quiet, wistful tone that Zack hadn't heard before. "Respect, security, comfort... do you remember when I asked you how you felt about him?"

"Yeah," Zack muttered, lifting his head and resting his chin in one palm. Sephiroth's refusal to let him get closer was finally starting to make sense. "So you're telling me that all this is because he's not sure how I feel about him? But shouldn't he know I like him?"

Angeal tipped his head to the side and gave him a long, scrutinizing look. "Thousands of people like him, Zack."

"But I--" Zack broke off. All of a sudden, the situation was so crystal clear that he felt like an idiot for not understanding before. It had been a long time since he'd last done something to show Sephiroth he wasn't just another adoring fan. Everything had been easy when they'd been nothing more than friends, but ever since their first kiss, he'd spent most of his time trying to lure the other man into bed or complaining when Sephiroth refused him.

"Do you understand now?" Angeal sounded irritatingly hopeful.

Zack huffed and rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, I think so. I'm just not sure what to do about it because, y'know, he doesn't strike me as the flowers and chocolates type."

"No, I think you'd get a door shut in your face for that." Angeal actually laughed.

Zack couldn't hold back a grin, because he was sure he wouldn't get off that easy if he showed up at Sephiroth's door with a dozen roses. Still amused by the thought, and a little chagrined that he'd let things get so out of hand, he stretched his arms above his head and said, "You know, for some reason I thought guys would be easier than girls."

"Unfortunately, we're not," Angeal replied with a ghost of a smile, then grew serious again. "The most important question is whether or not you genuinely care about him. I know most people believe that Sephiroth is untouchable in every way, but if he's invested this much time and energy in you, he also sees you as a vulnerability."

"You sound like an older brother again, telling me not to break your little brother's heart." Zack grinned again.

Angeal huffed. "That's a far sight better than a father or an uncle, at least."

"A young uncle, I said." Zack chuckled. "Look, seriously-- I'm still not sure how I feel about him, but I'm serious when I say I like him a lot, and I miss him when he's not around, and that just-- I hope that's enough."

After a few seconds of silence, Angeal nodded. "I'm sure that's enough, pup."

Zack smiled and couldn't resist bounding over to hug his commanding officer. Angeal made a noise of protest, but the effort to push him away was halfhearted at best. Eventually, when the irritated grunts gave way to a resigned sigh, Zack pulled away and pressed a loud, smacking kiss to Angeal's forehead.

"Thanks, man," Zack said.

Angeal looked affectionately disgruntled. "Get out of here."

For once, Zack was happy to do as told. After another kiss to the cheek, just to hear Angeal's frustrated huff, he backed his way toward the door and announced, "Mark my words, Hewley: Sephiroth doesn't know what he's in for."

"Heaven help us all," Angeal muttered.