Title: Breaking Tradition
Author: nishi_shinji
Universe: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Renji, Ukitake/Shuuhei (implied Byakuya/Renji/Ukitake/Shuuhei)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: To their credit, they'd been drunk at the time.

Author's Notes: Requested by ldybastet whom I adore more than chocolate, brie, and cigarettes combined. Also, this is unbeta'ed, so please feel free to point out any mistakes.


To their credit, they'd been drunk at the time.

Of course, Renji doubted that excuse would carry much weight once Byakuya came home and found the trail of dirt leading up the front steps of the manor, nor was he likely to be pleased about the vase that had been knocked over in the hall. On any other day, the servants would have already cleaned the mess up, but Renji, in a drunken fit of benevolence and acting as the master of the house while his lover was away, had given them all the day off in observance of Christmas. It had seemed like a good idea when it was actually happening. Now, he was beginning to realize that it essentially meant he and Shuuhei were fucked.

"D'you think we could get everything clean before he comes back?" Shuuhei asked, staring at the dirt that had been ground into the tatami mats in the front hall.

Renji shook his head and sighed. "Not a chance. Even if we did get it all straightened up, we'd still have'ta explain the damn vase. And knowin' our luck, it was probably some kinda special vase, passed down from his great-great-grandad or something."

And then, since their luck seemed determined to be temperamental, their conversation was interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the gravel just on the other side of the hedge that ringed the main house. Shortly following their startled silence, there was a flurry of hushed activity as Shuuhei tried to dart inside (presumably to escape certain death), and Renji grabbed him by the collar of his yukata to drag him back out onto the porch. They'd both had a part in making the mess, and Renji would be damned if Shuuhei was going to let him face the consequences alone.

Byakuya and-- to Renji and Shuuhei's groaning dismay-- Ukitake rounded the corner of the hedge and then stopped in unison. Thankfully, Ukitake reacted to the sight with a hushed laugh and a slight shake of his head. Byakuya, on the other hand, definitely did not look amused.

Renji held his breath while his lover's eyes darted to the chunk of mossy earth near the end of the path and then slowly followed the trail up onto the porch. When his gaze lingered on Renji's dirty socks, Renji swore for one agonizing second that he was going to die from shame alone. Then, when Byakuya's eyes finally met his, he wished he could die from embarrassment just to save himself the pain of being murdered.

"It was Renji's idea," Shuuhei said.

"What?" Renji squeaked and turned to stare in wide-eyed horror at his (now former) best friend.

Shuuhei was-- perhaps wisely-- not looking at him. "I'm sorry for letting him behave so irresponsibly, Kuchiki-Taichou. As usual, he had too much to drink, and thought it would be a good idea to surprise you."

"You little shit," Renji growled and grabbed Shuuhei by the front of his yukata. "You're the one who said we should--"

"Stop it."

Both of them paused, mid-argument, and slowly turned their heads to look at Byakuya, who now seemed-- if possible-- even more irritated by the situation. When no one said anything, Renji released his hold on Shuuhei and took a step back before bowing his head and trying to look contrite. From the corner of his eye, he saw Shuuhei do the same.

"Now, you will explain to us what happened, without making excuses or trying to qualify your actions," Byakuya instructed.

Renji darted another glance at Shuuhei, but his friend didn't seem inclined to do any storytelling, so he took a deep breath and muttered, "We wanted to celebrate Christmas with you guys-- y'know, like they do in the real world-- so we were gonna set everything up-- decorate and all that-- to surprise you when you got home from yer-- whatever you were doing. But see, we'd been drinking a little, and I guess we weren't too careful when we were bringin' stuff home."

"I see," Byakuya replied. "And what stuff might that be?"

Once again, Renji looked to Shuuhei for assistance, but Shuuhei seemed determined to keep staring at his feet. Not that Renji blamed him, really. It was bad enough that they'd wrecked half the house in their drunken stupor, but it was even worse to get caught in the aftermath by not just one but both of their lovers.

"If I may interject, Byakuya, maybe it's better if we see for ourselves?" Ukitake suggested. At least he was still smiling, Renji noted.

Unfortunately, Byakuya seemed to be growing less and less amused with the situation with every passing minute. In addition to the unmistakeable irritation in his eyes, there was the faintest trace of a scowl on his lips when he nodded in agreement to Ukitake, then looked expectantly at Renji and Shuuhei.

Renji swallowed hard and hung his head as he turned to lead the way into the house. When he stepped over the broken shards of the vase in the front hall, he didn't dare look back to see his captain's reaction. Byakuya's quiet hum told him everything he needed to know.

Dirty footprints led the way to the main room of the house, where their prize from the night before was haphazardly perched atop the low table near the hearth. The bush, which they had uprooted from the edge of the nearby forest, was missing half of its branches from having been dragged through the streets. They'd done their best to conceal the damage by putting it on its side with the roots sticking out over the back of the table. Since they hadn't had any traditional ornaments on hand, they'd improvised with a few of Renji's hair ties for ribbons and a handful of costume jewelry Shuuhei had managed to collect from Matsumoto and Yumichika. Half a dozen necklaces were draped around the bush and four pairs of earrings dangled from its branches. The uppermost ornament-- or what would have been the uppermost ornament, had the bush been right-side up-- was a silver and crystal tiara, the origins of which Shuuhei had refused to reveal.

There was a long, oppressive silence, during which Renji and Shuuhei glowered at the bush, Ukitake chuckled, and Byakuya--

Renji blinked and dared a glance at his lover's face.

Byakuya was laughing. It didn't quite reach his lips, but Renji could see it in his eyes and in the almost imperceptible shaking of his shoulders. A few second later, the suspicion was confirmed when Byakuya brought a hand up to hide his mouth and the barely noticeable lines around his eyes deepened.

"That's-- creative," Ukitake finally said. "I admit that I don't have firsthand experience when it comes to modern human celebrations of Christmas, but I'm fairly certain that isn't what a Christmas tree is supposed to look like."

Byakuya made a quiet sound in the back of his throat and shook his head.

"Though I have to admit, I'm glad you didn't decide to include lights in your decorations," Ukitake went on. "Given the nature of the other ornaments, I think any experiments with alternative lighting would have led to an even bigger catastrophe than dirtying Byakuya's floors."

There was a brief pause, and Byakuya turned away from the rest of them to take a deep, shaky breath. When he turned around again, he looked much more calm, though the corners of his lips were twitching. After eyeing Shuuhei and Renji for a moment, he said, "The two of you are going to spend the rest of the morning cleaning the front path, the porch, and the floors."

"Yes, Taichou," Renji and Shuuhei echoed in unison.

Byakuya nodded slightly, then added, "You will also collect the pieces of that vase you destroyed and take them into town to be glued back together."

"Yes, Taichou."

"In the future, Renji, you will not dismiss this house's servants without consulting me first."

"Yes, Taichou."

"Shuuhei, I expect you've learned your lesson about indulging my lieutenant's drunken whims?"

"Yes, Taichou."

Byakuya nodded again and tossed his hair back over his shoulder, then looked at Ukitake and asked, "Would you like to join me for tea, Juushirou?"

"I'd be delighted," Ukitake replied with a smile.

Renji and Shuuhei shared a look as their lovers turned to leave. When Shuuhei frowned and shrugged, Renji bit his lip for a second before saying, "Er, Taichou? Uh-- what d'you want us to do with the--" he gestured to the bush "--you know?"

Byakuya paused by the door to look over his shoulder, first at the bush, then at Renji. "If it's customary for us to have an uprooted plant in our home in celebration of the holiday, then I suppose you should leave it where it is for the time being."

"I--" Renji began, then paused and grinned when he saw Byakuya's faint, affectionate smile. "Yeah-- I mean uh-- yes, Taichou."

As soon as the two captains had gone, Renji and Shuuhei let out identical sighs, which quickly turned into relieved laughter.

"I thought for sure he was gonna kill us," Shuuhei said as he threw an arm around Renji's shoulders.

Renji shook his head. "Nah-- well, you maybe. Byakuya loves me too much to murder me. Well-- I think he does, anyway."

"Prick." Shuuhei snorted and flicked the tip of Renji's ear, then sighed and frowned at the bush. "D'you think maybe we should clean it up anyway, even though he told us to leave it? Maybe we could replace it with something a little nicer?"

"Nah," Renj replied softly, and reached out to rub one of the bush's bruised leaves between his thumb and forefinger. It really did look out of place in Byakuya's otherwise pristine home. But somehow, Renji got the feeling his lover had decided to keep it around because it was a little rough around the edges; it interrupted the too-perfect monotony of the rest of the room. Smiling to himself, Renji shook his head and repeated, "Nah, let's leave it. I think he kinda likes it. Now c'mon, stop bein' lazy and help me get the rest of this shit cleaned up."

"Yes, master," Shuuhei replied and rolled his eyes, then blushed and grinned. "Hey, you think maybe he went easy on us 'cause he's planning to punish us later?"

Renji huffed and gave Shuuhei a little push towards the doorway. "You wish, pervert."