| Once more, with failing... The boys have been given makeovers. Everyone looks mostly the same except for their clothing, but I completely re-did Near, who is so ridiculously pretty that I can't stop looking at him:
See what I mean?
Anyway, in order to remake Near, I had to also remake the entire family. I thought things would be a little different this time around, since they were more or less new characters, but some things stayed the same. For example, these two pretty much immediately started hitting on each other:
Yeah, that's Mello and Near, a couple of seconds away from having full-blown sex on the couch, judging by the look on Near's face.
However, there were also some differences. For example, I noticed pretty much right away that these guys are made of complete fail:
WTF? What's wrong, you guys?
Oh.
And who started the fire in the first place, you ask?
That, my friends, is what fail looks like. Instead of grabbing a fire extinguisher or calling the fire department, Mello is wrinkling his nose in disgust and trying to creep out of the kitchen, unnoticed.
Thankfully, they had a smoke alarm in place, so the fire department came and put the fire out while everyone else was busy spazzing:
Awww, look at Light pretending to be useful.
Near: "Oh thank goodness! I was worried the smoke would get my shirt dirty! This is Prada, after all..."
Near is, by the way, a total queen. It started with the beaded dress and just went downhill from there.
And where was L while all this was happening?
Upstairs, developing a drinking problem (not that I blame him, considering who he has to live with).
Shortly after the fire trucks left, two of our "heroes" went upstairs to join L and presumably brag about how awesome the fire was and how they totally saved the day:
Meanwhile, Mello was still downstairs, staring at the aftermath of his cooking experiment gone wrong:
Shortly afterwards, he went upstairs to try and work his dubious charms on L:
Mello: "LOLOLOL I STINK WANT 2 SMEL?!"
L: "No, that's okay, really."
I finally managed to get Mello into the shower while L went back to watching television in bed and Near went to sleep in the other bedroom.
At this point, Light's energy bar was way, way down, so I tried to make him go to sleep too. That only lasted all of two minutes before he got back up again and went downstairs for a snack, even though his hunger bar was full:
Maybe he was being kept awake by his own stench, who knows. Anyway, once he was finished drinking milk out of the carton in his underwear, he started complaining that he was tired, so I tried to make him go to bed. What did he do instead? This:
And he kept drinking, over and over again, until he passed out on the floor:
I let him sleep for awhile, then woke him up and tried to get him to move to a more comfortable location. He got maybe two steps before this happened:
~sigh~
So being the loving and benevolent goddess that I am, I left his stupid ass there.
By the time Light fell asleep standing up, everyone else was waking up. That's when I learned two things:
1) Mello is perfectly content to wander around in his underwear at all times. I can't blame him, though, considering he has a fantastic arse.
Apparently, Near agrees.
And 2) Mello and Near are pretty much physically incapable of keeping their hands off each other.
They stood there and made out for a few hours until L and Light woke up. Apparently, L and Light thought Mello and Near were on to something, because when I left them, they'd been watching television, and when I came back to check on them, they were doing this:
HAH! I knew it! I knew something was going on between those two!
Then they headed upstairs together and I thought aha! They're going to shag. But no, they just cuddled like a couple of sissies:
I guess they wanted to take things slow, and it seemed to work because by the time I came back from checking on Mello and Near (who were still making out), L and Light had declared their love for each other.
At this point I was thinking I wouldn't get any more good material. I had two happy couples, and everyone was friends with everyone else, so there couldn't possibly be any cause for angst, right? Wrong.
Eventually, the boys got tired of all the cuddling and kissing, and wandered off to do their own thing. Near and L decided to do what they do best, which is being a couple of lazy assholes:
And downstairs, Light decided to impress Mello with his singing skills:
...or not.
Light: "Do you belieeeeeve in life after love?"
Mello: ~has a total fucking breakdown~
Apparently Light felt bad for causing Mello's nervous breakdown by singing Cher, because he immediately tried to cheer Mello up with some gossip:
Light: "...and then he bled all over my Armani jacket, can you believe it?"
Mello: "Oh my god, how embarrassing!"
(Or I assume that's the kind of thing that would pass for gossip between two psychotic murderers, at least.)
After giggling nonstop for about an hour like two schoolgirls, they eventually stopped talking and just stood there and stared at each other instead:
Mello: "So uh... This sexual tension sure is awkward."
Light: "Uhm, yeah. It sure is. We should probably uh, go do something else, you know, before either of us does something incredibly stupid."
Mello: "Yeah, we wouldn't want to, you know, do something like kiss or something. Because that would be dumb."
Light: "Yeah, that would be really dumb."
Hey assholes, do the names "L" and "Near" mean anything to you?
Apparently not, because from there, they moved on to slow-dancing together:
At this point, Near came downstairs, on his way to the kitchen, and totally caught them in the act. First, he confronted Light, who tried to deny that there was anything going on between him and Mello:
Light: "We weren't doing anything, I swear! I fell and he was checking my ass for fractures!"
Near: "..."
And Near then proceeded to bitchslap the hell out of Mello:
Then, he went outside and cried for almost an hour:
:( :( :(
Meanwhile, Light didn't seem to have gotten the hint that maybe he should leave Mello alone, because he started following Mello around the house, trying to talk to him:
Light: "So uh, we should do that again sometime..."
Mello: "You ruined my life."
When that didn't go as planned, he decided to then show off his brilliance by following Near around the house:
Light: "So uhm, you're not mad at me, right? Your boyfriend is a really good kisser, by the way."
Near: "I will fucking destroy you."
Eventually, Light apparently got the hint that no one wanted him around, because he went into the kitchen and tried to kill himself...
...by drowning himself in a bowl of cereal. GG, bebe.
Thankfully, it didn't work. Also thankfully, L had no idea what had happened between his three roommates, and still thought Light was his loving and very faithful snookums:
L: "I love you so much, pookie. And by the way, if you ever cheat on me, I'll rip out your heart and roast it, then make you eat it."
Light: ~nervous laughter~ "Ah-hah, hah, hah, I'd never cheat on you, pumpkin."
So Light, in a fit of guilt (or fear), decided to devote pretty much his every waking moment to following L around the house and basically being attentive as possible. That eventually led to a proposal, which happened in the most romantic place imaginable: the kitchen.
Whatever makes you happy, guys.
But while L and Light were living happily ever after, there was still heavy tension between Mello and Near. Mello tried apologizing a few times, but it didn't seem to help much:
Mello: "I am so, so, sorry."
Near: "You're dead to me."
So he tried again:
Mello: "Listen Near, I'm really sorry, you have to believe me! I can't sleep, I can't eat..."
Near: ~ignores and watches television~
Near wasn't as unaffected as he pretended to be, though, because whenever no one was looking, he'd run outside and cry in the front yard:
But for as apologetic as Mello was being, he didn't seem ready to give up on Light. At one point, L and Near were watching television in bed, with Light standing next to them. Then Mello came in and proceeded to walk right over to Light and try to kiss him in front of everyone. Maybe he was trying to make Near jealous?
Either way, it happened too fast for me to get a shot of it, but I did get the heartbreaking aftermath:
Near: "WAAAAAAHHHHH I loved him so much!"
L: "Uh, there-there? Shit, I suck at this comfort crap."
L seemed to take what had happened okay at first-- it was Mello who tried to kiss Light, after all-- but a few minutes after everyone had left the room, he promptly lost his shit:
So the nice man in the white coat had to come and talk him out of slitting his own wrists:
Doctor: "This is not the droid you're looking for."
L: "Huh?"
After that, he seemed alright, because he went back to snuggling with Light like nothing had happened:
L: "It's okay, snugglykins, I know it was just Mello trying to make Near jealous. I know there's nothing between you, especially since I've already told you that if you ever cheated on me, I'd cut your penis off with the dull edge of a rusty knife and then pour lemon juice over the open wound."
Light: ~nervous laughter~
L wasn't so forgiving of Mello, though. At one point, when he happened to bump into Mello in the hall, he jumped him:
And totally whooped his ass:
Afterwards, L went back to snuggle with Light some more, and Mello went to cry alone in the bedroom he used to share with Near:
About an hour into his crying fit, Near came into the room, wanting to go to bed, and started yelling at Mello to leave.
So Mello went downstairs to eat alone, and everything was fine until L came down, at which point Mello stopped eating:
Eventually, L stopped trying to pretend he wasn't there just to get under Mello's skin, and he came over and sat right across from him:
So Near is mad at him for messing around with Light, L is mad at him for messing around with Light, and Light won't have anything to do with him. And the sad part of all of it is that Mello really doesn't seem to have any real feelings for Light; he walks around all the time, thinking about Near pretty much constantly.
Anyway, after L had more or less run him out of the kitchen, Mello decided he was tired. But with Near sleeping in one bed and Light sleeping in the other, and L prowling around the house, he really didn't have anywhere to go.
So he went outside. And fell asleep in a lawn chair. Alone.
:( :( :(
THE END!
(for now) |
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nishi_shinji's journal
Btw, just for a refresher....who are Mello and Near again? I forgots
I likes! More please!