Nishizono Shinji

Fic: Left Unsaid

2009-07-25T08:15:12Z

Title: Left Unsaid
Authors: nishi_shinji
Universe: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Renji
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: “What were you going to say?”

Author's Notes: Short, sappy, and proof of my recent fascination with cliches in fanfic.

“What were you going to say?”

“Hm? When?” Renji grumbled into his pillow. It was unfair for Byakuya to ask him to think before he'd woken up properly, especially since it was Byakuya's fault that he'd gotten so little sleep in the first place.

“Wake up, Renji.”

Renji groaned and stuffed one of the extra pillows over his head. Then he sighed and pushed it away before cracking one eye open to glare up at Byakuya.

“Should I take your morning irritability personally?” Byakuya asked. The bastard looked like he'd been up for hours; there wasn't even so much as a pillow crease on his face, and his hair looked so flatteringly tousled that Renji wondered if he'd commanded each individual strand to arrange themselves to perfection.

“I'm always in a bad mood when I've gotten four hours of sleep,” Renji mumbled, and rubbed at his eyes. “What'd you need?”

Byakuya scooted a little closer and curled himself around Renji, then repeated, “What were you going to say? After the first time Kurosaki and I fought and I had been injured?”

“How do you even remember that far back?” Renji muttered.

Byakuya made a quiet sound that Renji had recently discovered was Byakuya's version of a laugh, and replied, “It was only six years ago. You're trying to change the subject.”

“Because I don't remember,” Renji said with a shrug. “Probably something about me still respecting you or being glad you were still alive, or something like that.”

“I see,” Byakuya replied softly, and then fell silent.

Renji cocked an eyebrow. “Why? What'd you think I was gonna say?”

“Oh, nothing specific; I was just curious.”

“I don't believe you.” Renji smiled a little and shifted so he could see Byakuya's face. Though Byakuya's expression gave nothing away (as usual), there was the faintest trace of a blush on his cheeks, which made Renji's smile widen to a grin. “You were hoping I was about to do something really stupid, like profess my undying love or something, weren't ya?”

Byakuya huffed and gave Renji a disdainful look. “Of course I wasn't.”

“Oh, no, 'course not; that'd be almost human of you,” Renji replied with mock seriousness.

Byakuya stared at him for a moment before grabbing the pillow that Renji had tossed aside and hitting him squarely over the head with it. For a moment, Renji was too shocked to retaliate, but then he let out a sharp laugh and grabbed Byakuya to tickle him. Though Byakuya hardly made a sound, the way he squirmed and twisted to get away told Renji everything he needed to know. It wasn't until Byakuya bit Renji's arm that Renji finally surrendered and yanked his hands away.

“So you can lower yourself to having pillow and tickle fights with me in bed, but you can't lower yourself to admitting that you wanted me to tell you I loved you?” Renji panted with a grin.

Byakuya pushed some of the hair away from his forehead and lifted his chin a little, as if trying to reclaim some of his lost dignity. “I didn't want you to say anything of the sort; I was just curious.”

“Okay, okay,” Renji conceded, then warily reached over to pull Byakuya closer. Once they were nestled against one another, he kissed Byakuya's forehead and mumbled, “You know, it might not have been what I was gonna say back then, but I love you now. That's gotta count for something, right?”

“Yes.” Byakuya hummed and tucked his head under Renji's chin. “Yes, it does.”

Renji smiled.

Non-fic: Cliche Exchange

2009-07-24T08:30:49Z

I'm putting together a multi-fandom cliche!fic exchange at cliche_xchange. Plz to be going and nominating some fandoms? Thx.

Fic: Doraji

2009-07-20T22:11:39Z

Title: Doraji
Authors: nishi_shinji
Universe: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Renji
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: Their entire lives were contradictions of definition.

Author's Notes: Happy birthday, ldybastet. I won't embarrass you in public by detailing all the many reasons why I'm glad you're part of this world, so we'll just leave it at this: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

The cloudless sky and mild summer breeze felt blasphemous on a day filled with so much sorrow. Though the final battle had been won, Soul Society had paid dearly for the victory. Thousands of shinigami had been slain, most of them cadets who had gone straight from the academy into the most gruesome war the Gotei Thirteen had seen in a millennium. Now that the war was finally over, no one was celebrating. Some survivors had found their way into the crowded bars where they could drown their grief in sake, and the rest were standing in what had once been an empty field that was now dotted by small headstones.

Byakuya was amongst them, standing near the back of the crowd and listening to the eulogies of the fallen. Although most of the names were unfamiliar to him, it pained him that so many of the dates on the tombstones reflected such short lives.

When the service ended, the crowd began to disperse. Byakuya hesitated for awhile, knowing that it was important for lower-ranked shinigami to see the captains paying their respects, but also knowing that he could easily overstep the boundaries of propriety by lingering for too long. After he had given his quiet but reserved sympathies to the families of some of the cadets who had petitioned to be in his division, he turned to leave and almost literally bumped into Renji.

"Oi! Watch-- oh." Renji's eyes widened and he took a step back. "Sorry, Taichou, I didn't realize-- I didn't think you'd be here."

Byakuya frowned. All of the other captains had been at the memorial service, so he wondered why Renji looked surprised to see him. "Why did you assume I wouldn't be in attendance?"

"Dunno," Renji replied with a shrug, and looked away as he muttered, "I just didn't think this was your kinda thing, y'know?"

Before Byakuya could respond, a voice called Renji's name and they both turned to see Shuuhei waving at them from the dirt path that led out of the newly formed cemetery. Renji waved back, then glanced at Byakuya from the corner of his eye.

Byakuya nodded.

"See ya in the morning, Taichou," Renji mumbled before hurrying towards Shuuhei.

Byakuya watched him go, then swallowed and looked over his shoulder at the neat rows of tombstones behind him. He wasn't sure what hurt more: the fact that so many of their comrades had fallen, or the fact that Renji thought he might be inhuman enough to not mourn them.

The following morning, the captain's meeting was a quiet affair. Even Kenpachi-Taichou was uncharacteristically subdued; the bells and eyepatch were gone, and he kept his head down and his answers brief. They were given instructions to go about business as usual in each of the thirteen squads in order to provide a sense of familiarity for their subordinate officers. While it was clear that none of the captains expected this plan to make anyone feel better, no one bothered to say so aloud because for the time being, it was all they had.

After the meeting, Byakuya went straight back to the office that he and Renji shared. Renji was already there with his head bowed over a stack of paperwork, and he barely even looked up when Byakuya slid the door closed. Though Byakuya found it ironic that Renji seemed to just now be taking all of his lectures about hard work to heart, he didn't find it amusing in the slightest; the truth was, he would much prefer a fidgety, sometimes careless lieutenant who laughed at his own jokes and spent too much money on sunglasses to the quiet, sorrowful-looking man who sat across the room from him. They had never been friends-- they were barely even polite to one another on bad days-- but Byakuya had never felt so distant from Renji before, and to his surprise, that bothered him.

They worked in near silence for the rest of the morning. Even the sound of Renji's brush moving over the paper seemed quieter than usual, and the stillness in the office was making Byakuya feel restless. Somehow, he'd become accustomed to the sounds Renji usually made-- soft humming, occasional sighs, the creaking of his chair while he fidgeted-- and the absence of them unnerved Byakuya so much that he found himself making more noise than usual just to make up for it.

"Are you okay, Taichou?" Renji finally asked.

Byakuya looked up from the report he'd been revising and realized he'd just been drumming his fingers on his desk. Feeling slightly embarrassed, he nodded rather curtly and looked down at his work again.

"Okay," Renji replied, and although he didn't sound entirely convinced, he didn't say anything more.

When they paused for lunch, Renji actually took the time to neatly organize his paperwork and replace his brush in its holder, as opposed to leaping up out of his chair and dashing from the office the way he usually did. Then, as if he was purposely trying to drive Byakuya insane with his odd behavior, he rummaged through his desk drawer before taking out a small bento box.

Byakuya couldn't take any more, so he cleared his throat and waited until Renji was looking at him before arching an eyebrow. "Are you not going to the mess hall for lunch today?"

"Ah-- uh, no-- is that okay?" Renji replied and looked up at Byakuya with wide eyes, like a puppy expecting to be chastised.

Byakuya felt another flash of hurt, similar to the one he'd felt at the memorial service. Although he knew he could be distant and even cold when the occasion called for it, he wondered if he was really so intimidating that Renji honestly expected to be punished for wanting to eat at his desk.

"Taichou?" Renji prompted quietly.

"Of course it's alright for you to eat at your desk," Byakuya replied with a touch of impatience. When he tried to turn his attention back to his work, however, he found that he couldn't concentrate, so he pushed his papers and scrolls aside and retrieved his own lunch from his desk drawer.

The first half of their lunch break was spent in the same oppressive silence as the rest of the morning had been, until Renji finally put his teacup down with a sigh and asked, "What happens to us when we die?"

The question caught Byakuya by surprise. When he looked up at his lieutenant, Renji was watching him with an open and almost innocent sadness that reminded Byakuya of a small child after the death of a family pet. After a brief pause, Byakuya replied, "We evaporate and our essence is used to form new human souls. Your Academy courses should have covered this."

"They did, but how do we know that's what happens?" Renji said, then bit his bottom lip and shifted in his chair before asking, "Do we have any proof?"

Byakuya felt oddly relieved by Renji's agitated fidgeting, and he leaned back in his chair before replying, "We've collected enough evidence."

"Yeah, I know, I remember that from Academy too, but--" Renji trailed off and looked down into his teacup as if the contents might hold the answers he needed.

"But what you really want to know is whether we still exist somewhere as our individual personalities, not just as the particles that created us," Byakuya suggested softly.

Renji's head jerked up, and he stared at Byakuya for a moment before swallowing and muttering, "Yeah-- yeah, I guess that's what I'm asking."

Byakuya nodded. These were the questions that had nearly driven him mad after Hisana died, and had continued to plague him throughout the war. Unfortunately, he'd never found any solid answers, which meant he had nothing to offer Renji other than his silent sympathy.

"Sorry, I guess it's kinda unfair for me to expect you to know everything, huh?" Renji mumbled.

Something in the tone of Renji's voice made Byakuya feel unexpectedly protective-- something he'd only ever felt during battle, whenever his men were in danger-- and before he realized it, he was standing and carrying his teapot over to Renji's desk to warm Renji's tea for him.

If the gesture surprised Renji, he didn't show it. Instead, he just watched Byakuya pour, then asked, very softly, "How do you do it, Taichou? Keep going, I mean. If we really just disappear when we die, what's the point? How do you keep waking up every morning and doing what's gotta be done?"

Byakuya set the teapot aside, then met Renji's gaze and replied, "One day at a time, Abarai-fukutaichou. That is all any of us can do."

Renji stared up at him for a moment, then nodded as he lifted his teacup to his mouth and muttered, "Thanks, Taichou."

Their lunch break ended in silence, the same way it had begun, but this time it seemed almost companionable. And when Renji knocked over his empty teacup while he was cleaning up, and it went skittering across the floor with Renji noisily chasing after it, Byakuya almost smiled.

The rest of the week seemed to pass slowly. Although Byakuya had never minded the long working hours that went along with being a captain, he now found himself looking forward to having time to relax at home. The war had taken a lot out of everyone, and he was no exception despite how he wished he could be.

What kept him from growing too restless was, shockingly enough, Renji's company. Renji was still much quieter than usual, but the tension that had always lingered between them was gone. They greeted one another in the mornings with less formality than they had before, ate lunch at their desks, and now when Renji said good-night before leaving the office, he always offered Byakuya a smile.

One evening, long after most of the other shinigami in his division had gone home, Byakuya left the office to find Renji waiting in the courtyard. Renji didn't seem to have heard him come outside, so Byakuya spent a few moments watching Renji watch the night sky. At some point, Renji had obviously gone back to his quarters to change because he was wearing a light summertime yukata instead of his uniform. There was an unguarded, thoughtful expression on his face that made him seem softer than usual. And when Renji smiled, seemingly at nothing, Byakuya caught himself almost doing the same.

That moment of weakness seemed like a cue for him to announce his presence, so he cleared his throat.

To his surprise, Renji didn't seem startled; if anything, he seemed amused as he glanced over his shoulder, smiled, and said, "Hey, Taichou. I was just coming back from Hisagi-kun's place and I was kinda bored, so I was thinking maybe we could take a walk or something-- if you don't have anywhere else to be, I mean."

"I have no obligations for the evening," Byakuya replied before he'd even had time to consider the invitation. He wasn't the sort of man who fraternized with his colleagues-- especially not with his subordinates-- and yet there he was, falling into step beside Renji as they walked down the path together.

"It's a nice night; I was kinda worried it would be too warm since it was so hot earlier," Renji commented, and snagged a blossom off of a cherry tree as they passed it. After twirling it around between his thumb and forefinger a few times, he held it out to Byakuya.

Byakuya looked at Renji, then at the flower, then back again.

Renji chuckled quietly, then took the blossom back and tucked it behind his ear before saying, "Y'know, I was thinking about what you said the other day, about taking things a day at a time. Do you really believe that?"

"Yes, I do," Byakuya replied with a nod. He was sure it didn't seem that way to others, but it was true. Each morning, he found a reason, however small, to wake up and go on living. There were some days, especially right after Hisana died, when the task had seemed so exhausting that he'd almost convinced himself that it wasn't worth it. But he'd done it out of a sense of duty to what remained of his family, and more importantly, his own self-honor.

"Hm." Renji hummed, then flashed a grin at Byakuya and said, "I think we've got different definitions of things sometimes, Taichou."

That almost drew a laugh from Byakuya. Who would have imagined that Renji could be such a master of understatement? Their entire lives were contradictions of definition.

They walked in silence for awhile, down the gravel path that led away from the division offices and towards the small lake near the barracks. Fireflies were drifting up from the grass and swaying in the light breeze. There was a little wooden bench near the very edge of the lake, between two dogwood trees, and Renji led the way over to it before holding out his hand in a silent invitation for Byakuya to sit.

Byakuya wasn't sure what to make of the growing familiarity between them, and part of him was equally unsure as to whether or not he should permit it. Being pleasant towards one another in the office was one thing, but this after-hours companionship was creeping closer and closer to a line that Byakuya had drawn around himself the day he'd become captain. Though Ukitake-Taichou had lectured him countless times on the importance of friendship between a captain and his lieutenant, Byakuya had remained unconvinced. To him, discipline and a strict sense of propriety was what made a division operate smoothly. Once a superior officer allowed themselves to become too friendly with their subordinates, they could no longer be expected to make decisions without bias, thereby doing a disservice to the shinigami under their supervision and potentially placing their entire squad in serious danger.

And yet there he was, sitting with Renji on a bench beside the lake and staring out at the water in absolute silence.

"Some days are better than others," Renji said suddenly, though softly. "There's no pattern to it... like this morning. I've seen my living room hundreds of times since we've got back, and I never thought about it before, but then all of a sudden, when I was walkin' through, it was like outta nowhere I could almost see Mamonaru-san sitting there. The last time I saw him before he got shipped out was at a party in my quarters, and he'd got so drunk he was sitting on my floor and singing at the top of his lungs 'til Yumichika-kun came busting in and yelled at him to shut up."

Byakuya glanced at Renji from the corner of his eye, then looked back out over the water. If this was the real reason Renji had brought him out to the lake, then he supposed the line hadn't been crossed after all. Most lower-ranking shinigami had been looking to their captains for guidance during the war's aftermath, and Byakuya was willing to listen to Renji's concerns if it would help-- and if he felt a twinge of disappointment that Renji had only invited him because he needed someone to talk to, then Byakuya ignored it as the selfish, primitive emotion it was.

Renji kept speaking for awhile, quietly detailing some of the last moments he'd spent with people whose names Byakuya didn't recognize. Byakuya hadn't realized that Renji had lost so many friends in the war, nor had he known that Renji spent most of his Saturday afternoons sparring with the Eleventh Division cadets and his Sunday mornings having breakfast with the Fourth Division trainees. Byakuya suddenly realized he'd spent the last twenty years sharing an office and running a division with a complete stranger, and the thought made him feel slightly short of breath, as if something had taken hold of his insides and was squeezing the air from his lungs.

"How about you, Taichou? You doing okay?"

For a moment, Byakuya thought Renji had noticed that he wasn't feeling well. Then he realized that Renji was actually asking whether or not he was grieving for anyone.

Byakuya looked away, this time to stare up at the stars. "We are not friends, Abarai-Fukutaichou. There is no need to inquire after my emotional well-being."

Though they weren't looking at one another, Byakuya didn't need to see Renji's face to be able to hear the hurt in his voice when he replied, "No, I guess we're not friends-- not today."

Byakuya found that he had absolutely no response to offer to that, so he lapsed into silence and stayed that way until a few minutes later when Renji stood and left without a good-bye.

As soon as he woke the next morning, Byakuya did something he hadn't done in years: he summoned a Hell Butterfly to notify Renji that he would be out of the office until the following day.

Once he'd sent the message, he went to sit in the garden. The grass was beginning to wilt from the heat, but the cherry trees were still blossoming and raining their petals into the fish pond. Byakuya tried all of his usual methods to clear his mind so that he could simply enjoy his surroundings, but everywhere he looked, he saw reminders of his conversations with Renji: the constant cycle of death and rebirth, the permanent flow of time and the impermanence of life. For the first time he could recall, Byakuya felt awkward and out of place amongst nature, like a large rock dropped into the very center of a stream, interrupting the flow of the water rather than allowing itself to be carried along by the current.

Eventually, he gave up the pretense of trying to achieve any kind of peace, and pushed to his feet with an impatient huff. Had he been the sort of man to give in to displays of temper, he probably would have stormed into the house, but he refused to let himself indulge in such childish behavior even if there was no one to catch him doing it. However, the sight that greeted him when he entered the front parlor made his jaw clench and his hands curl into fists at his sides.

There was a large bundle of purple bellflowers lying on the table near the window. The flowers must have numbered at least thirty in all, and their stems had been tied together with simple twine. There was no note, neither beneath the bouquet nor tucked inside of it, and none of the servants could offer any explanation for its sudden appearance in Byakuya's home.

Byakuya immediately sent a second message to Renji, demanding his presence at the Kuchiki estate at precisely eighteen hundred hours.

Storm clouds had rolled in during the afternoon, and by the time the afternoon was fading to evening, a light summer rain had begun to fall. After a week of good behavior on Renji's part, Byakuya wasn't at all shocked when he felt his lieutenant's reiatsu approaching the manor five minutes before he was supposed to arrive. When Renji's reiatsu paused just outside the gates of the estate, Byakuya realized that Renji was probably letting himself be drenched by the rain in purpose, in order to ensure that he would be exactly on time. Byakuya wasn't sure whether to be maliciously amused or intensely annoyed, so he settled for both.

Renji was shown into the parlor after having been given a towel by the servants-- a towel which he seemed disinclined to use, judging by the way he was holding it balled up in one hand while his hair was dripping water all over the tatami mats. Unlike all of the other times he'd been called to the estate to be chastised, he didn't look like a guilty puppy. However, he didn't look particularly proud of his prank either, despite the fact that Byakuya had fully expected him to be. If anything, he looked strangely calm, if somewhat wary.

That irritated Byakuya even more than the flowers had done, and only served to reinforce the notion that too much familiarity within the upper ranks of a division would breed disobedience.

"Taichou?" Renji prompted with a slight quirk of his eyebrow.

Byakuya pointed to the bundle of flowers on the table. "What is this?"

Renji's gaze slid towards the bouquet, then back to Byakuya's face. "Chinese bellflowers."

"I know what they are," Byakuya replied icily. "Why did you bring them here?"

At the very least, Renji didn't try to deny that he'd left them for Byakuya; he just shrugged and said, "I felt like it-- they're your favorite, right?"

"Why?" Byakuya snapped. "Was this your pathetic attempt at expressing the sympathy that you mistakenly feel I need? Or were you merely rubbing it in my face that you know more about me than you rightfully should? You spend too much time with Ukitake-Taichou if you believe that congeniality between us in the workplace in some way equals a friendship, and unlike your Ninth and Eleventh Division friends, I do not find humor in childish pranks."

By the time he was finished, Byakuya realized that he'd actually been yelling. Before he could open his mouth to apologize, however, Renji-- who looked completely unfazed-- asked him, "Do you feel better now?"

Byakuya ignored the fact that he did actually feel much better, and replied in a much calmer tone, "Tell me why you left them."

"Taichou." Renji sighed and shook his head, then looked straight at Byakuya and said, "I told you, I left them because I wanted to. I promise there were no ulterior motives. One day at a time, remember? And today, I felt like giving you flowers."

They stared at one another for a few moments, and when Byakuya realized that Renji was actually telling the truth, he sighed quietly and said, "You've soaked the tatami."

"Sorry," Renji muttered.

Byakuya took the towel from Renji's hand and, while refusing to think too much about what he was doing, proceeded to begin drying Renji's hair. It wasn't until he caught sight of Renji watching him that he realized how close he was standing, and yet he couldn't seem to make himself move away.

"You look uncomfortable," Renji observed in a whisper, as if he thought anything louder would make Byakuya spook like a startled horse-- which might not have been far from the truth.

"If I look uncomfortable, it's because you're staring at me," Byakuya replied.

Renji chuckled softly. "You're the only person I know who would bitch about flowers."

"And you're the only person I know who would try to annoy someone by showing up on time," Byakuya murmured.

When Byakuya was finished drying Renji's hair, he handed the towel back and then took a step away. The way Renji was watching him made him feel unaccountably nervous and he looked away before glancing at Renji again from the corner of his eye. That Renji made Renji grin for some reason, and Byakuya sighed.

"What is it, Renji?" Byakuya asked in a weary tone.

"I think we're friends today, Taichou," Renji explained as he slung the towel over his shoulder and walked backwards a few steps until he was standing in the front hall. Then, he offered Byakuya a salute and a smile before turning and slipping back out into the rain.

Byakuya tipped his head to one side and contemplated the empty doorway for awhile, until long after the rain had stopped pattering against the roof and the sun had broken through the clouds.

"You stole those flowers from my garden, and you're late," Byakuya said when he heard the door of the office open the next morning, and he kept his head bowed over his paperwork to hide his barely-there smirk.

"Er, Kuchiki-Taichou?"

Byakuya glanced up from his desk to find Shuuhei standing in the doorway, looking both confused and nervous.

"Uhm," Shuuhei began, and scratched at the back of his neck before edging sideways towards Renji's desk, "I was just gonna-- Abarai-kun left this at my place last night, and-- uh, just let him know I came by? Or, you know, you don't have to since he'll find this and figure-- sorry for disturbing you, Kuchiki-Taichou; I thought Renji would be-- anyway, bye."

Byakuya watched as Shuuhei more or less fled the office. Then, he turned his attention towards the scrap of fabric that had been left on Renji's desk, which upon closer inspection turned out to be the obi of Renji's uniform. The sight of it made something unpleasant twist in Byakuya's stomach, and he had to swallow a few times to keep himself from feeling truly ill. Of course he'd known that Renji and Shuuhei spent a good deal of time together, but now he wondered just how close they were-- and more importantly, he wondered why the possibility that they were involved bothered him so much.

Twenty minutes after Shuuhei's hasty exist, Renji came bursting into the office the way he always did when he was late, as if making a production of his arrival might lend credence to whatever excuse he was planning to offer. Before he could say a word, however, Byakuya stretched out an arm and pointed at the obi.

"Oh good." Renji sighed with obvious relief and began tugging at the cord that was knotted around his waist. As he struggled to loosen it, he chuckled under his breath and muttered, "Guess I don't need to tell ya why I'm late, eh? Sorry, Taichou. I was in kinda a panic when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my damn obi, and you know how forgetful you get when you're rushing around? I didn't even think that maybe I'd left it at Shuuhei's until I was almost here, and then I figured I should at least come tell you why I was late."

Byakuya startled himself with how angry he sounded when he replied, "I am not interested in your excuses, Abarai-fukutaichou. You were late and you were not dressed in standard uniform when reporting for duty. I'll have the disciplinary paperwork ready for your signature by noon."

"Disciplinary-- are you serious?" Renji's eyes were wide with what looked like genuine astonishment. "You're writing me up, Taichou?"

Byakuya looked away under the pretense of going back to work on his reports, but the truth was simply that the hurt in Renji's eyes made him feel so guilty his stomach ached. That was all the more reason for him to go through with this, though; Renji had gotten too comfortable, just as Byakuya had suspected he would if they became too friendly with one another, and it was Byakuya's duty as captain to ensure that his lieutenant was kept in line.

"Taichou, please-- I'm sorry," Renji said softly, and leaned down a bit so that his hands were braced on the edge of Byakuya's desk. "Please don't write me up, not for this. I already have one mark on my record, and if I get another-- Taichou, I would never make captain."

Byakuya swallowed around the lump in his throat before replying, "Carelessness is not a valuable trait in a captain, Abarai-fukutaichou."

For a few seconds, Byakuya thought that Renji might actually hit him-- he could see Renji's fingers curling against the desktop, as if they were trying to form fists-- but then Renji pushed away and went to his own desk, where he sat in absolute silence for the rest of the morning.

Byakuya assumed that Renji was being quiet, at least; he wasn't sure he could have heard anything over the soft voice chanting 'hypocrite' over and over again in his mind.

"Is there anything I can say to change your mind?"

Byakuya pushed the disciplinary forms across the desk, towards Renji. "You do not want to add attempted bribery to the details of your misconduct."

Renji's pleading expression turned mutinous for a moment before fading into a look of betrayal so genuine that any other captain would probably have forgiven him on the spot. But Byakuya was not to be swayed, despite how much a part of him wished he could be, and he merely stared back at Renji until Renji sighed and took Byakuya's brush to sign the bottom of the form.

"I guess you'll want me to take this down to the personnel office, too?" Renji muttered once he had put the brush back in its holder.

Byakuya felt oddly panicked by the idea, and he shook his head before he could think better of it. "I will see to it myself."

"But I'm usually the one who--" Renji trailed off and then frowned. The hurt in his eyes intensified as he muttered, "Ah, right, wouldn't want it to get lost on the way there or anything."

Byakuya's decision had nothing to do with a lack of trust, but before he could make excuses for wanting to do it himself, Renji had already turned and left the office. For a few minutes, Byakuya simply sat there, staring at the empty doorway and feeling inexplicably stung by the fact that Renji hadn't said good-bye before leaving, even though he'd been the one trying to put space between them in the first place.

Feeling conflicted was nothing new to Byakuya, but this wasn't a matter of saving a life or honoring an oath. Yet somehow, it seemed almost as important.

The air that night was heavy with moisture and charged with the sort of electricity that only comes just before the break of a storm. Byakuya had asked the servants to close every window in the manor save for the large door in his bedroom that opened out into the garden. The light breeze that fluttered into the room was just enough to cool the thin sheen of sweat that clung to his skin, but it was still too warm for him to fall asleep right away.

Byakuya lay there for two hours, occasionally tossing and turning, but mostly lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. Even as a small child, he'd never been the sort of person who depended on the company of others to keep himself happy. Yet the loss of Renji's camaraderie left him feeling conflicted and strangely empty inside, as if something very important had been taken away from him. Of course he knew it was ridiculous for him to feel that way after only a week, but that didn't keep his throat from tightening every time he pictured the disappointment he'd seen in Renji's eyes.

Not long after Byakuya had finally begun to drift off, he was startled awake again by the presence of a familiar reiatsu just outside his bedroom. He had just enough time to sit up and gather the sheet around himself before Renji appeared in the doorway from the garden, silhouetted by the dim light from the cloud-covered moon. Byakuya wanted to demand an explanation for why Renji had essentially broken into his home in the middle of the night, but he couldn't seem to find the right words to ask, especially when he realized that Renji was staring at him. The intensity of feeling Renji's gaze without seeing his face made Byakuya feel strangely vulnerable, and he pulled the sheet a little tighter around his waist.

"Why didn't you take the form down to personnel?" Renji murmured.

"How did you know?" Byakuya didn't even bother with trying to deny it, though he knew he probably should have.

Renji took a few steps into the room and stopped at the foot of Byakuya's futon. "I've got friends in low places, Taichou. You'd be surprised how much a file clerk'll tell you if you if you toss him a couple extra coins. Now tell me why you didn't take the form down there."

"I didn't have time," Byakuya lied.

Renji shook his head. "Don't lie to me, please. After the shit you've put me through today, the least you can do is tell me the truth."

Byakuya took a deep breath. Part of him wanted to reply that Renji was out of line for speaking to him that way, but he knew it would only be a defensive gesture on his part, to deflect attention away from the fact that he had, as Renji would so ineloquently say, fucked up.

"I didn't take the form to personnel because I didn't want to," Byakuya admitted softly.

There was a long silence before Renji sighed and moved a little closer so he could sit on the edge of Byakuya's bed. Now that they were sitting less than two feet away from one another, Byakuya could see the frustration in Renji's eyes, along with a healthy dose of wariness that Byakuya wished he could ease somehow. They watched one another for a few minutes, and by the time Byakuya realized that Renji had leaned forward, their noses were almost touching.

"Don't," Byakuya whispered with a rush of panic.

Renji's gaze hardened, but he looked more hurt than angry. "Why?"

"Because, I--" Byakuya floundered for a reason, an excuse, anything that would convince both himself and Renji that this was a terrible idea. Then he remembered why he'd been angry with Renji in the first place, and he blurted, "Hisagi-san."

Renji frowned and shook his head, but as soon as he opened his mouth, sudden realization dawned on his face and he let out a quiet laugh. "You think I'm sleeping with Shuuhei? Is that what all that crap this morning was about?"

"No," Byakuya lied, then swallowed and said, "I-- perhaps. I'm not sure anymore."

Renji's expression softened, and he smiled a little as he whispered, "I don't understand you at all."

"I don't--" Byakuya's reply was cut short by Renji's mouth covering his, and he let out a soft, startled sound against Renji's lips.

It was just a kiss. It was just a simple, physical sensation of skin touching skin, but Byakuya's heart was pumping pure adrenaline through his veins and his hands were shaking when he lifted them to push Renji away. And when Renji grabbed his wrists and deepened the kiss, Byakuya gave in with a quiet whimpering sound he hadn't even realized he was capable of making.

Everything about what they were doing was inappropriate, from the fact that he'd allowed Renji to stay to the fact that he was allowing Renji to kiss him. But for once in his life, he let his own desire outweigh his sense of right and wrong; he let himself be pushed down onto the bed, and he didn't protest when Renji's mouth slid from his lips to his jaw. There was reverence in Renji's touch, despite the fact that it was Byakuya who was being restrained and subdued by slow, teasing kisses, and Byakuya wanted it so much that for the time being, it was the only thing that mattered.

"Say something," Renji mumbled against Byakuya's skin. "Say anything, just let me know you're okay."

"Yes," Byakuya breathed before he could think too much about what he was doing.

Not that there was time for him to second-guess what was happening; Renji made sure of that. Renji's tongue left nonsense patterns on his chest and ribs, and when Renji bit one of his nipples, Byakuya let out a sharp gasp and arched into the touch. Byakuya was completely lost in the long-forgotten sensations skittering through his body, and as soon as Renji finally let go of his wrists, he buried his fingers in Renji's hair. That earned him a quiet, pleased purring sound and a slow, teasing lick across one of his hipbones that had him spreading his legs and curling his hips upwards purely by instinct.

"God you're sexy," Renji whispered.

Byakuya didn't reply except to moan when Renji bit his inner thigh. There would be a bruise later, and had it been anyone else who'd left it there, he would have been angry. But the fact that it was Renji marking him made all the difference in the world.

By the time Renji's tongue finally meandered up Byakuya's inner thigh to lap at his balls, Byakuya was so hard he felt ready to burst at any second. And when Renji's lips brushed the underside of his cock, Byakuya's legs clamped down on either side of Renji's head.

"I need room to move, Taichou." Renji chuckled and forced Byakuya's thighs to part, then held them down against the mattress in a position so open that Byakuya would have been mortified if he'd been able to think at all.

Renji spent a few torturous minutes teasing the head of his cock, flicking it with his tongue and just barely scraping it with his teeth. During all of this, Byakuya alternated between tugging at Renji's hair and clutching at the sheets, all while trying to push his hips up to find something more solid to rub against. When Renji's mouth finally descended on his cock, Byakuya let out a soft, keening whine and threw his head back. For all of his carelessness in other aspects of his life, Renji seemed devoted to doing this one thing to perfection, and every swirl of his tongue and vibrating moan drew new sounds from Byakuya, who was so tense with desire that even the muscles in his stomach were trembling.

When Renji abruptly pulled away from his cock, leaving Byakuya panting and disoriented, Byakuya shook his head against the pillow and whispered, "Don't-- don't stop, Renji-- I'm ordering you to--"

"Oh, are you now?" Renji purred as he crawled back up the mattress. At some point, he'd apparently slipped out of his clothing, and his bare skin slid over Byakuya's as he stretched out atop him. Then he was kissing Byakuya again, and pressing his hips down so that their cocks rubbed against one another, and Byakuya completely forgot to be upset.

That didn't stop Byakuya from pushing at Renji's chest, however, and trying to roll Renji over so that he could take charge of the situation. But he may as well have been trying to shove a mountain out of his way because Renji simply slid off to one side and then yanked him close again, as effortlessly as if Byakuya weighed nothing at all.

"Your reiatsu is all over the place; you don't know if you want to be the one in control or the one being controlled, do you?" Renji whispered between kisses as he twined their legs together and rolled his hips again, rubbing himself against Byakuya's stomach. Then he slid a hand down Byakuya's back to squeeze his arse, and used the hold to grind their lower bodies together as he murmured, "You'll just have to settle for being my equal tonight, Taichou."

Byakuya tried to respond, but all he could do was cling to Renji's shoulders and dig his toes into the sheets as he shoved himself up against Renji's body. Renji's cock was hard and hot against his belly and his own was leaving smears of precome on Renji's hip. They found a rhythm, though thier movements were still awkward, and Byakuya seized Renji's lips in a kiss so intense it made his skin burn. Before long, he had Renji growling quietly into his mouth, and Byakuya answered each sound with one of his own-- breathy sighs and quiet mewling noises that he'd never heard himself make before. Renji's fingers were digging into his buttocks and tugging at his hair, and his own were gripping Renji's shoulders so hard he was sure he'd leave bruises. Every aspect of it was primitive and almost violent, yet oddly tender at the same time, and Byakuya couldn't imagine it being any other way for them.

Eventually, Renji tore his lips away from Byakuya's and groaned, "I'm close."

"Do it," Byakuya hissed, tangling the fingers of both hands in Renji's hair and arching his back to crush the full length of his body against Renji's.

A few seconds later, Renji's cock jerked between their bellies and coated Byakuya's stomach with come. Renji bit down on Byakuya's jaw with a growl, and Byakuya let out a startled cry as his own orgasm slammed into him. Hot, electric bolts of pleasure richocheted through his body, leaving him gasping for breath and shuddering in Renji's arms as his prick skidded across Renji's hip and pulsed strand after strand of come out between them.

Once they had both finished, Byakuya slumped against Renji's chest, still panting softly from the force of his orgasm. The room was spinning, and he closed his eyes to try and find his balance again. There was a hand in his hair, cradling the back of his skull, and he let it pull him closer until his face was tucked against the side of Renji's neck. Byakuya could feel Renji's heartbeat against his lips, and he kissed the sweat-damp skin with a quiet sigh.

The heat from Renji's body should have been too much with the already warm night air, but it only made Byakuya feel comfortably sleepy. When he caught himself beginning to drift off, he knew he should ask Renji to leave, but when he opened his mouth to say so, Renji kissed his forehead. Byakuya was caught so off guard by the unexpected gesture that he found himself at a loss for words, so he said nothing and just settled back against Renji with a barely audible hum.

When Byakuya woke again, it was still dark outside and he was alone in bed. After blinking a few times to clear the sleep from his eyes, he turned his head and found Renji standing in the doorway that led to the garden, leaning against the doorframe and looking out at the rain that had finally begun to fall. He'd dressed, as if he was planning to leave, and Byakuya wondered what had made him hesitate. Renji had already shown that he didn't have any particular aversion to being rained on.

Renji showed no sign of realizing that Byakuya was awake, so Byakuya gathered the sheet around his waist and slipped out of bed. As soon as he took his first step, Renji glanced over his shoulder, then back out at the garden.

"Are you leaving?" Byakuya asked, and stopped a few paces behind Renji.

Renji shrugged. "I was thinkin' about it."

"I see," Byakuya replied, careful not to let his voice betray his warring emotions. "So your plan was to come here, demand to know why I didn't have you disciplined for misconduct, seduce me, and then leave? If this is supposed to--"

"You know, it's funny," Renji interrupted without looking at Byakuya, "I spend most of my time trying to get you to give me a little credit, and then you give me too much credit for the wrong thing. I didn't have a master plan when I came over here, Taichou. I still don't, though I kinda wish I did."

Byakuya moved a little closer-- so close he could have kissed Renji's shoulder, though he didn't-- and murmured, "The best laid plans, Renji..."

"Make everything feel a little less pointless," Renji replied with a sigh, and finally turned to face Byakuya. There was a haunted look in his eyes before he closed them and whispered, "I don't know what I'm doing, Taichou. Everything's so up and down, and I never know-- I don't know what I should do now. I never expected to be here."

Byakuya didn't know if Renji was talking about their relationship or the world in general. It didn't matter, though; the answer was the same.

"You're coming back to bed," Byakuya replied as he slid his arms around Renji's waist.

Renji's eyes opened and he looked down at Byakuya with a tiny frown. "Won't that make things weird when we wake up tomorrow? Isn't that how this kind of thing goes?"

"I don't know; I've never been involved in this kind of thing before," Byakuya murmured as he stood on his tiptoes to nuzzle Renji's cheek with his own. Then he dropped his voice to a whisper and added, "But that's tomorrow, not tonight, and tonight I know that I want you beside me."

There was a long pause before Renji wrapped his arms around Byakuya's shoulders and turned his head for a kiss. As he pulled away, he smiled down at Byakuya and muttered, "Alright. I think I can live with that."

Byakuya nodded and pulled Renji into another kiss. The sheet was tangled around his legs, so he let it fall to the floor as he backed his way towards the bed, pulling Renji with him. Now that it was raining, the room was cooler than it had been, but the goosebumps that Renji's fingers left as they trailed down Byakuya's spine had nothing to do with the cold. When they reached Byakuya's futon, Renji pushed him down onto it, then fell atop him with a soft huff of laughter.

"Now what?" Renji muttered, smiling down at Byakuya through the shadows.

Byakuya lifted his head from the pillow and touched his lips to Renji's as he whispered, "Live."

All of the summer rainstorms had left the field soggy, and Byakuya paused on the dirt path to wait for Renji to take off his socks.

"You're not gonna write me up for this, right?" Renji grinned as he stuffed his socks into the basket he was carrying and slipped his feet back into his sandals.

Byakuya refused to dignify that with a reply; he simply turned away and crossed over into the grass where the first row of headstones stretched out in a neat line. Renji joined him a few seconds later, hovering just behind him until Byakuya reached back to grab his hand. When Byakuya felt Renji tense, he looked over his shoulder to find Renji watching him with a startled, wary expression.

"It occurs to me, Renji, that you and I don't know one another nearly as well as we pretend to," Byakuya murmured as he laced their fingers together.

Renji looked down at their entwined fingers, then graced Byakuya with a tiny, affectionate smile. "You just didn't seem the type to hold hands in public, s'all."

"No, I suppose I don't," Byakuya admitted, and gave Renji's hand a squeeze.

They walked together in silence for awhile. Every so often, Renji would stop and take a bellflower from the basket he was carrying, then kneel to place it on a headstone. When he was finished, he would take Byakuya's hand again and lead the way further down the row where he would repeat the process. At one point, Byakuya looked behind them and tried to count the number of graves they had stopped in front of, but he was distracted by the sound of Renji's quiet laughter.

Byakuya looked down at the back of Renji's head, and when Renji didn't offer an explanation, he murmured, "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" Renji asked as he pushed to his feet again and slid his hand back into Byakuya's.

"What made you smile," Byakuya replied, then gestured to the headstone where Renji had placed the last of the flowers. "Tell me about them."

Renji tipped his head to the side. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything," Byakuya murmured. "Everything."

"That'll take awhile, Taichou." Renji laughed and began leading the way back towards the path.

Byakuya followed, and as they reached the path and passed under a cherry tree, he snapped a blossom off of its branch and tucked it behind Renji's ear. And when Renji smiled down at him, he smiled back and replied, "Well, we have awhile yet."

Fic: The Road to Truth (1/?)

2009-07-09T20:23:27Z

Title: The Road to Truth (1/?)
Authors: ldybastet & nishi_shinji
Universe: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Renji
Rating: PG this chapter, NC-17 overall
Other Chapters: Chapter Listing
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't ours. No people, either real or fictional, were hurt in the writing of this story (much to Renji's relief).

Summary: “The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.” -Alexander Jablokov

Author's Notes: Crossposted at ldybastet's journal.

"Look, this isn't as bad as it seems," Renji said.

Judging by the expression on Byakuya's face, Renji was the only one who felt that way. Of course, Byakuya probably had a point-- albeit a silent one. Finding themselves trapped in a cave together was pretty high on the list of things that could go wrong during a sparring session. Even so, it could be worse, Renji figured. They could be dead, for example. Unfortunately, he didn't didn't get the impression that his captain was in the mood to look on the bright side.

Byakuya sighed, looking elegantly disgruntled, and stared at the pile of rubble that had once been the entrance to the cave. "This would not have happened if you had more control over your bankai," he said as he studied their only known escape route. "When the rock slide began, did you even once consider pushing me to the side instead of into the cave? Did you stop to consider that I could have flash-stepped out of the way?"

Renji blinked.

"No, I didn't think so."

A heavy silence fell, broken only by the occasional rustling of rocks and rubble settling, and the drip-drip-drip of water from somewhere deeper in the cave. The quiet was unnerving and Renji shifted his weight from one foot to the other. What they needed to do was find a way out, and quickly, before he got fidgety and irritated Byakuya even more. "Can't we just move the rocks somehow? I mean, you're good at kidou and there has to be some kind of spell... or maybe I could use my bankai again?"

"No, you are not using your bankai again," Byakuya replied with a disapproving frown. "Anything we do from inside might cause the cave to collapse further."

Renji decided to take that as his cue to shut the hell up, so he bowed his head and scratched the back of his neck.

Eventually, Byakuya seemed to come sort of conclusion about their predicament, because he turned and closed his eyes. A few whispered words conjured a ball of blue-white light in his palm, and it grew larger as he extended his hand and looked at the walls of the cavern. "We'll survey the cave and see if there's another entrance to it," he said, and started walking.

"Hey! Wait!" Renji followed quickly, not wanting to be left behind in the darkness but also maintaining a respectful distance between them.

The cave eventually narrowed into a passage, and at one point, when the passage curved and Byakuya went ahead without waiting for Renji, the light almost disappeared. Feeling a little embarrassed by his fear of the dark, Renji ran to catch up with his captain, who barely glanced back at him before facing forward again. Byakuya's ability to dismiss a person without even speaking was one of the things that aggravated Renji most about his captain, but as usual, he decided not to mention it. For now, staying close to the light was more important than getting into an argument.

Finally, the passage became wider again, opening up into a much larger cave than the first. The air was cooler there, without a trace of the dust from the cave-in. The dripping was louder too, echoing off the walls that were hiding outside the reach of their light. Renji tried not to make it too obvious that he was all but attached to Byakuya's side. The less constricting space was a relief compared to the narrow passage, but he wasn't fond of not being able to see the ceiling or walls.

After they'd walked the perimeter of the room together and concluded that there wasn't an alternate route out of the cave, Byakuya announced, "We'll stay here for now."

"What?" Renji spluttered. "No, no, why are we staying here? Why aren't we finding another way out?"

Byakuya sighed quietly and dropped the ball of light, which expanded as it hit the floor and began to give off a more intense glow. "There is only one way out, and it is currently blocked by rubble that could collapse further if we meddle with it. Because of that risk, not to mention the dust at the entrance of the cave, we're staying here."

"But--" Renji began, then fell silent when he realized that nothing he could say was likely to make a bit of difference to Byakuya. Instead, he stuffed his hands into the sleeves of his kimono and dropped into a crouch.

Byakuya sat down on a rock, rested his hands on his knees, and closed his eyes. Renji had no idea how he could be so calm or even think of meditating in a place like this. The longer Byakuya sat like that, the more uncomfortable Renji became. It was almost like being alone... apart from the fact that he wasn't, and that only made it worse. Once again, Byakuya was just ignoring him, shutting him out. He should be used to it, he guessed, but he wasn't, and he wondered if he would ever be.

Eventually, the anxiety and irritation became too much and Renji shoved himself to his feet. Pacing helped relieve his restlessness, but didn't do much to curb the spikes of adrenaline surging through him every time he thought he heard something over the dripping of the water.

"Fidgeting isn't going to get us out any faster." Byakuya cracked one eye open to glare at him.

Renji snapped a retort before he could stop himself: "Neither is sitting around and waiting."

"I'm not sitting around, waiting, as you so eloquently put it," Byakuya said with a look of bored contempt on his face.

"What are you doing then, because to me it sure looks like--"

"I'm trying to pinpoint and reach Ukitake-Taichou's reiatsu. If I can feel him accurately from here, that means these rocks do not contain any energy blocking minerals and he can feel me from where he is. Now be quiet."

"What good will that do?" Renji asked, pacing again. "He doesn't know he has to reach out and feel your reiatsu. Or do you have some kind of weird agreement to always do that at three o'clock in the afternoon, every day?"

"Renji," Byakuya snapped. "Sit down."

Renji knew, from the tone of his captain's voice, that he'd gone too far, but he was too worked up to care. "I'd rather--"

"Don't make me repeat myself."

Renji sat down.

As soon as he did, he was hit by the full force of Byakuya's spiritual pressure, released all at once. Renji gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. It was as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the cave; his head was swimming and his chest ached. The pressure kept building and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears, could see white sparks pulsing behind his closed eyelids. And then, just when he thought he couldn't take it any more, it stopped.

"Fuck!"

"Now we wait," Byakuya said.

Renji had never been very good at waiting, but he didn't much feel like fighting with Byakuya either, so he sighed and tucked his legs up underneath him. Silence fell between them again, interrupted only by the low hum of the glowing orb and the ever-present dripping of water. The remnants of his captain's reiatsu were making Renji's skin tingle, and he rubbed at his arms and the back of his neck. There was no way to tell how much time had passed, but when it felt like they'd been sitting there for hours, he pushed to his feet and began pacing again.

"Abarai-Fukutaichou," Byakuya said.

It was obviously a warning, but Renji was too agitated to sit still, even if that meant arguing with his captain. At least bickering would be better than enduring the looming silence that hovered around them. Twisting his fingers in the fabric of his kimono, he snapped, "I can't fuckin' sit anymore, Taichou; I'm going crazy."

"And frustrated pacing will keep insanity at bay?" Byakuya asked. "You're wasting your energy."

"It's my energy! I can do whatever I want with it!" Renji knew he was being childish and immature, but when Byakuya didn't even bother to reply, Renji was momentarily furious. Then the anger subsided, the hasty flame dimming to a dull, familiar throb of disappointment that he was once again being ignored.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Renji asked suddenly, before he could stop himself. He hadn't meant to say the words aloud, but it was too late to take them back.

Byakuya didn't say anything for a long time; he just looked up at Renji with a serene expression on his face. It was only when the moment had gone from being awkward to almost unbearable that he asked, "What gives you the impression that I hate you?"

That wasn't the reply Renji had been expecting, and he found that he didn't have a suitable answer-- well, actually, he could think of more than a few answers, but he didn't think actually saying them aloud to Byakuya was a good idea. After blinking for a few seconds, he huffed and looked away. "C'mon Taichou, what's the point in pretending? You've hated me since day one."

"Such a strong feeling is very personal. I don't know you well enough to hate you," Byakuya said.

"Then why are you always glaring at me, or looking at me like I'm not even worthy to lick your-- um... boots?"

"I don't wear boots," Byakuya replied and Renji couldn't tell if that strange little twitch at the corner of his mouth was a sign of amusement. He hoped so, because otherwise he was fucked. "I don't think I look at you differently than I look at others. I certainly don't single you out. You're my subordinate, and as long as you're doing your job, everything is as it should be."

Renji wasn't sure hearing that Byakuya didn't care at all made it better. At least hate was personal, like Byakuya had said. "So if I'm the same as all the others-- did you even know who I was before I was assigned to your division?"

"Of course I knew who you were." Byakuya sounded a little impatient. It wasn't much, but Renji was beginning to be able to pick up those nuances now. "I had your records, your evaluations and test results from the academy, the recommendation that you be assigned to Eleventh Division and then transferred to Sixth Division. I knew you came to the academy together with Rukia. I didn't accept you as my lieutenant on a whim."

"So basically what you're saying is that I'm just--" Renji broke off and looked away. Of course Byakuya viewed him as just another employee; that's exactly what he was. What he couldn't figure out was why that idea bothered him so much. It wasn't as if they were friends, and he wasn't even sure he'd want them to be, given how different they were. Renji couldn't see himself spending time with his captain the way he did with Ikkaku and Shuuhei, drinking and sparring and getting into trouble. But he couldn't shake the feeling that two men who were supposed to trust each other with their lives should be a little closer, at least. "You don't care what happens to anyone, do you?" Renji asked quietly.

"Are you still angry that I wouldn't let you save Rukia?"

"No. Yeah... No. More that you wouldn't let anyone save her from being killed. No brother should behave like that. It's not right." Renji sighed and sat down again. "It's just not right."

"I know," Byakuya said. "I was wrong."

Renji looked at him. It was said so calmly, without a trace of hesitation. What kind of man was Kuchiki Byakuya, he wondered, that he could so easily accept and admit that he'd made such a huge mistake? "I know she's forgiven you..."

"But you can't."

"I don't know."

Byakuya nodded, and once again they fell silent. The dripping that had been so annoying at first, driving home the unfamiliarity of their surroundings, had become a way of measuring time. It was a slow, steady sound that gave Renji something to focus on while thinking.

"You never came to visit her," Byakuya said suddenly.

"What? When?"

"After she was adopted into my family. You never came to visit her."

Renji looked down at his feet, feeling his cheeks heat. "I-- I didn't want to destroy anything for her, her new life and everything. It was her chance at happiness."

"How would you have destroyed that?" Byakuya sounded puzzled, as if he really couldn't see the many ways Renji would have been a disaster in Rukia's life. "You were her friend and you never came to see her. Is that as it should be?"

"No..." Renji swallowed.

"So, we've both been wrong. Learn from your mistakes and they become experience, stay ignorant and the mistakes are the same."

A sound suddenly echoed through the caves-- a rock fell, and another, or perhaps it was the same and the echo was playing tricks on them. Byakuya and Renji both looked towards the narrow passage they'd come in through. Then there was the unmistakable sound of more rocks shifting, falling, rolling, and Byakuya got to his feet.

"They're here."

"How do you know? Maybe the entrance is caving in more!" Renji stepped back from Byakuya, suddenly realizing he'd jumped to his feet and grabbed his captain's arm.

Byakuya turned to look at Renji and there was actually a small smile on his lips. "Because that is Ukitake-Taichou's reiatsu. If you were calm enough, you'd be able to feel it too."

"I am calm!"

"Hello? Kuchiki-Taichou? Abarai-san?"

Renji scowled; as glad as he was that they were being rescued, he was perturbed at being proven wrong. All the same, he edged around his captain and yelled, "We're down here!"

"Please stand back from the entrance!" Ukitake's distorted words came back to them.

"Okay!" Renji replied, not bothering to explain that they were in a cave further inside as it really didn't matter as long as they could get back out again.

Suddenly, there was a deafening rumble from the outer cave, enhanced by the echoes that made it sound as if the explosion never ended. A whiff of dusty air came through the passage and tumbled into the cavern. Renji looked at Byakuya, but the man still looked unfazed, as if there was no need to worry whatsoever. When it was silent again, they heard Ukitake's voice.

"Are you all right? There's room for you to climb out now."

Byakuya strode towards the passage and the shadows, on the way to freedom. Renji hurried after him, eager to leave the place and never return. The tunnel wasn't as dark now that there was a slight haze of light before them, and it felt like they reached the outer cavern much faster than it had taken them to travel in the other direction.

The entrance wasn't fully cleared, but Ukitake had been right: there was room for them to climb over the rocks and the rubble.

They climbed carefully, but rocks shifted under their feet anyway, making it an exercise in both balance and nerve. "Easy," Ukitake warned. "We can't clear more of it right now. It doesn't look stable." He reached out a hand from the other side to help Byakuya and then Renji out. When they were safely back on solid ground, he looked at them."I'm glad to find you both alive and well. How on earth did you wind up in there?"

"Renji still hasn't gained full control of his bankai," Byakuya replied, as calm and distant as ever.

Renji felt his cheeks heat in response to the thinly veiled reprimand. It was annoying enough to be chastised in private, but he didn't appreciate having it done in front of another superior officer.

"I see," said Ukitake and looked at the cave entrance. Judging by the doubtful expression on his face, he clearly thought there was more to the story than that, but he didn't ask any other questions and Byakuya didn't offer any further explanation.

"Thank you for coming so swiftly," Byakuya said instead.

"I wasn't sure the cave could take much force after it had been so thoroughly smashed already, so it was good that I brought a few men with me to clear the path," Ukitake said, nodding towards five men standing to attention at the side. He handed a bottle of water to Byakuya, who drank deeply and then passed it to Renji.

"We'll practice again later this week," Byakuya told him.

Renji felt his eyes widen. After this mishap, Byakuya was still intent on helping him make his bankai stronger? Didn't anything ever shake that man, or make him lose his confidence? Then a thought struck him, and he turned to Ukitake. "How did you know we were in trouble?"

Ukitake smiled. "How often do you feel that kind of reiatsu unleashed? I knew you were going to be here, and found it very odd that he'd release it like that just for training you."

"I'll file an incident report so that the other divisions know that this area is off limits until the rubble has been cleared," Byakuya announced, and without a backwards glance at Renji, began making his way down the side of the cliff. Even when trying to keep his balance over the rocky terrain, his head was held high and his shoulders were straight.

Renji watched his captain leave, wondering how the hell Kuchiki Byakuya could make something as simple as walking away seem so unnaturally graceful. A hand on his shoulder startled him, and he glanced over to find Ukitake beside him, smiling. Renji shook his head a little and muttered, "I don't get him."

"Kuchiki-Taichou is a difficult man to understand." Ukitake nodded. "But Abarai-san, he is still just a man, after all."

There were times when Renji doubted that very much, but he decided not to say so. With a quiet sigh, he nodded and followed his captain down the hillside with Ukitake and the others trailing behind him. One day, he would be leading instead of following, he told himself.

Non-fic: Here, Have Some Stuff

2009-06-22T08:17:45Z

There isn't much here, but I thought I would share what I managed to salvage from my old storage drive tonight. All of the downloads below contain material rated from G to NC-17, which means a lot of the content is NSFW.

Doujinshi
Bleach (4)
Death Note (20)
Final Fantasy (3)
Gravitation (16)
Harry Potter (4)

Pictures*
A through G
---Ai no Kusabi (7)
---Bleach (91)
---Champloo (39)
---Death Note (234)
---Final Fantasy (47)
---Gakuen Heaven (5)
G through W
---Gravitation (11)
---Kuroshitsuji (2)
---Loveless (6)
---Random (16)
---Star Trek (4)
---WTF (19)

*NOTE: Most of these pictures are from my /y/ folder so a lot of them are uncredited. However, I've tried to credit the artist wherever possible. Also, there may be duplicate pictures here and there because sometimes I just don't pay enough attention to what I'm downloading.

Random eBooks
1984
Anna Karenina
The Art of War
Beyond Good & Evil
The Metamorphosis
Notes from Underground
The Prince

I don't own any of this stuff, I just hoard it.

Non-fic: Questions!

2009-06-16T14:50:06Z

I need feedback for a few projects I'm working on! Please feel free to comment anonymously if you don't feel comfortable casting a vote with your username.

View Poll: Short Story Collection

View Poll: Periodical

(x-posted to nishizono

Fic: Anatomy

2009-05-21T07:50:15Z

Title: Anatomy
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: Kirk/Spock (implied)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Fail
Prompt: Spock ~~realizing he's in love with/fated to be with/meant to be bonded with Kirk (or whatever, you know),~~ going to McCoy and trying to broach the subject of 'human anatomy, with an emphasis on copulation.' ~~Bonus if Kirk is intuitive when it comes to sex and doesn't need any help to get Spock hot.~~ (posted here)

Summary: "There are certain aspects of human anatomy with which I am unfamiliar, particularly in regards to the process of human copulation."

Notes: This isn't beta'ed, or even cleaned up all that much. I'm not happy with it, but I'm a freak about keeping all of my stories in one spot, so that's why it's here. Also, more fail.

"Doctor McCoy, I require your immediate assistance."

McCoy closed his eyes-- which was a damn shame, since the ensign he was currently examining (read: chatting up) was pretty, blonde, single, and apparently very interested in his bedside manner. After very slowly counting to ten, he opened his eyes again, flashed his most charming smile at his new favorite patient, and looked over his shoulder at Spock to say, "I'm with a patient. Can it wait another thirty minutes?"

"It is something of an emergency," Spock replied evenly.

McCoy resisted the urge to grind his teeth and said, "Are you sure it can't wait? I was just preparing Ensign Libez for a gynecological exam, if you know what I mean."

The way Spock tilted his head ever-so-slightly to the side told McCoy that the pointy-eared bastard did not, in fact, know what he meant.

Ten minutes later, they had bid farewell to Ensign Libez, and McCoy had ushered Spock into his office. As soon as the door closed, Spock's posture became uncharacteristically rigid, even for him. If McCoy hadn't known any better, he would have suspected that Spock was nervous about something.

"Well? What is it, man? I haven't got all day," McCoy prompted as he leaned back against his desk and folded his arms over his chest. Of course, that was partially a lie, since he didn't have any other patients in sickbay, but he didn't want to spend the rest of his afternoon chatting with Spock. They'd made a strange sort of peace with one another, but they were hardly best friends.

"I require your input in a certain matter," Spock replied, and the awkwardness McCoy had sensed manifested itself in the way Spock glanced very quickly to the side before looking back at McCoy and adding, "a very private matter, for a friend."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "That's the oldest excuse in the book, Spock."

"To which book are you referring?" Spock asked, eyebrow arched and eyes gleaming with thinly veiled curiosity.

"Never mind, it's a figure of speech. You're here for yourself, not a friend, and this isn't an emergency, is it?" McCoy asked dryly, though it was less of an inquiry and more of an observation-- and a very annoying one, at that.

Spock went on as if he hadn't heard the question. Tucking his hands behind his back, he said, "There are certain aspects of human anatomy with which I am unfamiliar, particularly in regards to the process of human copulation."

McCoy arched an eyebrow at that. Gossip traveled quickly on the Enterprise, and everyone had known about Spock and Uhura's break-up within an hour of it happening. So either Spock had a sudden, purely academic interest in human genitalia, or he was already bunking down with someone new.

"I have recently been made aware of-- urges-- that I seem to have been unknowingly harboring for some time, and which I have no prior experience with," Spock went on, now fixedly staring past McCoy's shoulder at the wall behind him. There was a faint green tint to his cheeks that hadn't been there before.

It took a few seconds for McCoy to process that statement, and when he'd finished, he chuckled. "Spock, are you telling me you're gay?"

"If I am correct in assuming that is the popular vernacular to describe a homosexual, then yes," Spock replied, and the flush on his cheeks darkened by a fraction.

The temptation to burst into uproarious laughter was so strong that McCoy actually had to turn away for a few minutes to hide the gleeful smile on his face. Even if he and Spock had made peace with one another, this little revelation was just too good for him to let go of it without finding a way to use it as revenge for losing quality time with Ensign Libez. And maybe, if he played his cards right, he'd find out who it was that Spock had been courting.

After digging a bottle of brandy out of his desk and pouring himself a splash-- all of which was just a show to occupy him until he got control over himself-- he turned around and lifted his cup in Spock's direction. "Here's to personal epiphanies."

"Indeed," Spock replied, and arched an eyebrow.

McCoy took a sip of the brandy and then rounded his desk before gesturing to one of his visitor's chairs. "Come on, then, and sit down. I can't say as I have any personal experience with gay sex, but I'll tell you all I know. I'm a doctor, after all; we have to read up on these things."

~*~*~

When Kirk came limping into sickbay the following morning, McCoy immediately regretted letting his curiosity get the best of him because he knew two things with absolute certainty: Spock was going to kill him, but before that, he was going to have to spend the next thirty minutes of his life examining his best friend's balls.

"Jim! What a pleasant surprise!" McCoy exclaimed, and plastered a sunny smile on his face to mask the fact that he wanted to go and hide under his desk until Kirk went away.

Kirk winced as he sat down very gingerly on one of the exam tables, then glanced sidelong at McCoy. "I was bitten. Don't ask. Just fix it."

"Right," McCoy replied.

"Right," Kirk muttered.

McCoy cleared his throat, then glanced away and said, "Uhm, so, pull down your trousers and let me have a look."

Kirk coughed a little, then stood to obey, and McCoy politely turned his back so he could close his eyes and cringe. He just hoped Spock would give him time to convince Ensign Libez to wear something short and revealing to his funeral.

Fic: Nothing so Easy

2009-05-21T07:39:59Z

Title: Nothing so Easy
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Fail
Prompt: The Captain's chair, post-movie, Kirk riding Spock, Spock shirtless, Kirk pantless, Kirk doing his best to get an emotional rise out of him. (posted here)

Summary: There was nothing soft about James T. Kirk.

Notes: This isn't beta'ed, or even cleaned up all that much. I'm not happy with it, but I'm a freak about keeping all of my stories in one spot, so that's why it's here.

There was nothing soft about James T. Kirk.

There was nothing gentle in the brutal, downward thrust of his body as he rode Spock hard enough to make the chair's support column groan in complaint. The fingers clutching at Spock's shoulders were strong and unyielding. Even the deceptively quiet whispers Kirk brushed over Spock's ear had a sharp, dangerous edge to them.

"Did you fuck her like this?" Kirk breathed, his voice strained with effort. "Did you just sit there and let her ride you, or did you touch her? Was she good enough for you? Did you like fucking her? Or did you just lie there and tolerate it?"

Spock didn't now how to respond. Yes, he'd fucked her this way, and no, he hadn't enjoyed it. But he'd done it because he'd known that if he'd let himself slip, even just by a fraction, he would have thought of Kirk and then he would have hurt her-- he would have bitten and bruised and hurt her the way he ached to hurt Kirk.

"Come on, Spock, fuck me," Kirk was purring as he scratched his fingernails down Spock's bare chest, catching a nipple along the way. "Come on, you can't tell me you don't want it: fuck me in my own chair, show me who's really in charge, hm?"

Spock bunched the back of Kirk's uniform shirt up in his fist, but that was the only response he allowed himself.

"You can't do it, can you?" Kirk's voice had taken a decidedly more malicious tone. "You're so-- ah-- you're so dead inside you can't even fuck. You can spout off about-- god-- about statistics and variables and probabilities, but when it comes down to actually interacting with people, you might as well be a corpse."

There was something in that statement, some kind of implication that made Spock's blood run molten through his veins and his jaw clench in anger. Before he could stop himself, he was tangling his fingers in Kirk's hair and dragging him down into a brutal, punishing kiss.

"Yeah, that's it-- like that," Kirk moaned, clutching at Spock's shoulders again and practically writhing in Spock's lap.

Now that he'd let himself be pushed over the line, Spock was powerless to rein himself back in. All of his pent-up frustration and guilty desire manifested itself in a flurry of movement: he pinned both of Kirk's wrists behind his back with one hand, and wrapped the other around Kirk's throat. Kirk's soft, helpless whine dragged itself over Spock's skin, and he shoved his hips up, driving himself into Kirk's body.

"Move," Spock demanded, glaring up into Kirk's eyes.

A visible shiver ran through Kirk's body and his cock, which had been rubbing against the bare skin of Spock's stomach, twitched and leaked a drop of precome into Spock's navel. When Spock shook him to attention, Kirk gave a strangled whine and immediately began to move again, fucking himself on Spock's prick and gasping for breath every time Spock met his downward thrusts.

"You are an incomparably aggravating individual," Spock growled, hardly recognizing his own voice. "You are arrogant and self-centered, and you show a complete disregard for any rules but your own. You recklessly endanger those around you and your simple rebellions against authority are childish and irresponsible."

Kirk-- Kirk, who was being choked and fucked and insulted-- James T. Kirk had the audacity to grin.

Spock jerked him down into another feverish, hungry kiss.

Eventually, Spock released Kirk's wrists to grip his hips instead, and Kirk immediately threaded his fingers into Spock's hair and groaned into Spock's mouth. Their movements were fast, frantic, and unpolished, and Spock was being shoved closer and closer to the edge every time Kirk's arse clenched around his cock. And when Kirk shuddered in his lap, Spock knew that clinging to the last shreds of his self-control was an altogether hopeless endeavor.

Kirk was the first to go, with a deep, rumbling growl as his prick jerked against Spock's belly and splattered his skin with strands of hot, sticky come. A few seconds later, orgasm slammed into Spock, and he followed suit with a sharp gasp, clenching his eyes shut and slamming his cock into Kirk one last time before every muscle in his body tensed and pleasure scorched its way through his veins.

Afterward, Kirk slumped forward, resting his forehead against the back of the chair and pressing his chest against Spock's. The room was quiet except for the sound of their labored breathing and the steady, comforting hum of the ship's engines. But it didn't last-- silence never lasted when James Kirk was nearby-- and Kirk let out a soft, breathy chuckle.

Spock arched an eyebrow and asked, "May I inquire as to the source of your amusement, Captain?"

"I think you can call me Jim now," Kirk muttered as he peeled himself away from Spock and looked down at him with a smile. "And I'm laughing because I never would've thought that the best sex of my life would've been with you."

"Intriguing," Spock replied noncommittally.

Kirk rolled his eyes and shifted a little, wrinkling his nose when Spock's softening cock slipped out of his body. To Spock's surprise, however, Kirk didn't move away; he merely changed positions and curled up in Spock's lap like a child expecting to be held.

So Spock did the only thing he could think of to do: he wrapped his arms around Kirk to keep him from tumbling to the floor.

"What did it?" Kirk asked after a few moments of silence.

It was tempting to ask for clarification, but it would have just been delaying the inevitable since Spock knew precisely what Kirk was asking. So he sighed inwardly, already knowing that his answer would be taken as encouragement for Kirk to continue behaving like an errant adolescent, and replied, "It was merely a response to you being yourself, Captain."

"Jim," Kirk replied, and grinned against the side of Spock's neck. And even then, in the aftermath, there was nothing docile or gentle about him. The fingers caressing Spock's chest did so with firm, even strokes. The kisses being pressed to Spock's jaw contained the barest hint of teeth. The way Kirk's hand curled around Spock's bicep was possessive and demanding.

But Spock realized, to his own dismay, that maybe he could be alright with that.

Non-fic: A Humble Request

2009-05-21T05:59:51Z

I've been depressed, stressed, and uninspired lately. The most writing I've been able to get done in the last month has been two short contributions to the Star Trek kink meme. I'm leaving for Denmark in a week, and I'm hoping that the vacation will kick my creativity back up to where it needs to be. In the meantime, I have a request.

Will someone please write some filthy Light/Mikami for me? Pretty please?

Important: Also, it has come to my attention that LJ has not been sending me email notifications for comments, at least not reliably. If you've posted something important as a comment and I haven't replied, please let me know in this entry (which I will be checking regularly for the next few days).

Non-fic: Character Meme

2009-04-30T23:24:25Z

ldybastet tagged me for the character meme and gave me L:

1. Do you like this character?
Yes, very much.

2. What name/s do you call this character?
Just L, or Ryuzaki if I'm trying to contrast the L/Kira and Ryuzaki/Light relationships. I also occasionally refer to him as "My IRL Husband" when feeling particularly amorous.

3. What color do you associate with this character?
Blue. Whenever I picture L's face, I see it lit by a monitor or laptop screen, which usually has a blue tint to it.

4. What song do you associate with this character?
L's theme, naturally. Also, Sayonara by Gackt.

5. What blood-type do you think this character is?
AB

6. Of all of the titles that this character appears in, what character do you like to put this character with?
Light. Typical of me, I know.

7. What would you want to say to this character?
You deserved to be the one to catch Kira. You were the only worthy opponent Kira ever had. Also, FU for carrying on the trend of my most adored characters dying. Thanks a lot.

8. What do you want to do with this character?
Eat cupcakes and talk about quantum mechanics. No, seriously.

thepinkrabbit also tagged me for the character meme and gave me Renji:

1. Do you like this character?
I adore him.

2. What name/s do you call this character?
Renji or Renji-kun.

3. What color do you associate with this character?
Red, red, and more red.

4. What song do you associate with this character?
I have to admit that his awful, 70's-inspired 'human' clothes always remind me of Superlove by Sugizo (and if you haven't seen the video yet, you should really go watch it for the sheer ridiculousness that is disco!Sugizo).

5. What blood-type do you think this character is?
B

6. Of all of the titles that this character appears in, what character do you like to put this character with?
Byakuya or Shuuhei. Sometimes, Byakuya and Shuuhei.

7. What would you want to say to this character?
Would you please just shag Byakuya and/or Ichigo already? I can't say I'd be particularly happy about you hooking up with Ichigo, but when even the vanilla Bleach fans can tell there's something more to your obsession with Byakuya and your rivalry with Ichigo, maybe it's time to stop being a cock tease and get on with things, yeah?

8. What do you want to do with this character?
Get falling-down pissed on sake and stroll through the streets together, singing bad drinking songs at the top of our lungs.

Please choose 5 friends with your choice of character.
thepinkrabbit: Yuki Eiri
h_y_d_e: Yagami Light
lilymoon1: Zack Fair
karadin: Genesis Rhapsodos
nehalenia: Abarai Renji

Drabble: All That Could Have Been

2009-04-29T08:40:37Z

Blasphemy, I know.

Title: All That Could Have Been
Characters: L
Rating: G

L is not. He is not this hunched stack of awkward limbs, crowned by shaggy black hair. He is not this sugar-addicted, wide-eyed freak who says too little in too many words and never sleeps. He is not this earnest, do-gooder investigator, forever devoted to upholding the archaic, useless laws of mankind.

L has never been sure what he is, but he knows what he should be the night he meets Yagami Light. And when Light stretches out his hand and L takes it, and Light says something pleasant and polite, L thinks-- he knows--

L thinks, 'I should have been Kira.'

Non-fic: Fandom Wank

2009-04-17T20:36:19Z

I've typed this post several times over the last few years, and deleted it every time because I decided it was better not to involve myself at all in the wanky gossip that happens in fandom. But lately, a few epic wank threads have started to swerve a little too close to home, and I want to make sure my opinion is out there for the world to see, just so there's no misunderstanding.

I. do. not. care.

I don't care if XXX's Cloud, or Mello, or Byakuya is out of character. I don't care if XXX's plots are cliche. I don't care if XXX never played the game, or read the manga, or watched the anime that he/she is writing fic for. I don't care whether someone from Manchester would say 'frosting' or 'icing' and I don't care if you have a PhD in baking, or if your grandmother was a pastry chef for 100 years and taught you everything she knew (I'm looking at you here, Harry Potter fandom). Yes, I know: you played Final Fantasy VII when you were two years old, and you've been reading Bleach for twenty years, and your fifth cousin was one of the lead animators for Cowboy Bebop. Very impressive, hooray for you, I still don't care.

Because the truth is this: we write fanfiction, most of it pornographic, about other people's characters. This is not serious business, people.

I appreciate fanfic as a creative outlet for those times when I don't have the energy to focus on my own original plots and characters. I value it as a tool for me to hone my skills and experiment with different styles. I make every effort to polish my stories to the best of my ability before posting them. I try to keep my characters as true to canon as possible (well, most of the time, anyway). But do I expect everyone else to do the same? Absolutely not.

There are some people who just want to have fun writing, post the finished product, and go on with their lives, and I don't understand why so many fandom wankers find that so offensive. For fuck's sake, leave these people alone already. If you take writing seriously, and you want your writing to be the best it possibly can be, then by all means, pursue that goal. But stop expecting everyone else to do the same, and stop whining when someone else's work fails to meet your personal standards for what fanfic should be like.

It's very simple: if you don't like the way XXX writes your beloved characters, or XXX's plots, or XXX's incorrect use of semicolons, then don't read their stories.

Now, I'm not saying that no one should offer constructive criticism, especially if the author asks for it. I personally appreciate it when people call my attention to errors in my stories that I might have overlooked. But there is a huge difference between constructive criticism and blatant trash-talking, and I'm sick to death of seeing nasty comments being made in public forums about writers who, as far as I know, have never once done anything to insult, harass, or otherwise bother anyone.

Anyway, the basic point I want to make is this: some of us take our writing very seriously, and others don't take it seriously at all. Some of us want to be published authors, and others just write fanfic because it's fun. But there's no point in either side trying to tell the other "ur doin it rong" because there is no right way.

I know this post isn't going to change anything. There are always going to be wankers and whiners, no matter what anyone says. All I ask is that you keep it away from me-- keep it away from my email, keep it away from my journal, keep it away from my phone. Sorry, but I just can't find it within myself to care enough about adverbs to be personally offended when someone abuses them.

And above all, please remember... being praised for being a good slash writer is like being asked to be a guest speaker at a Star Trek convention: it's flattering, and your peers will applaud you, but to the rest of the world, we're still nerds.

Ficlet: Even in Hell

2009-04-15T07:05:23Z

Title: Even in Hell
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: Mello/Matt
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst

Summary: “Do you think there’s a special place in Hell for us? For good men who have done evil things in the name of justice?”

Notes: Ugh, so much angst. Sorry.

“Do you think—“

Matt looked up from the mess of bloody bandages in his hands just in time to see Mello’s bleary, fever-stricken eyes open.

“Do you think,” Mello rasped, his voice splintered by the burns on his lips, “that there’s a special place in Hell for us, Matty? For good men who have done evil things in the name of justice?”

“I don’t know,” Matt replied quietly, and looked down to finish changing the dressing on Mello’s wounds.

Mello heaved a labored breath, then whispered, “You believe, don’t you? Still? I need to know that you’ll be with me, somewhere, when this is over.”

“Yes,” Matt replied—lied to Mello for the first time he could remember, and clasped Mello’s unburned hand in his own. Bowing his head, he pressed a reverent kiss to the corner of Mello’s lips and murmured, “I told you, Mel: we’ll always be together.”

“Even in Hell,” Mello mumbled as his eyes fluttered closed, and a few moments later, his breathing evened out again.

Matt swallowed hard and kept his head lowered, ignoring the warm tears he could feel trickling down his cheeks. In a whisper, he replied, “Even in Hell. I promise.”

Ficlet: Adaptation

2009-04-14T10:52:33Z

Title: Adaptation
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Pairing: Hints of Rufus/Reno
Rating: PG
Warnings: Reno + tequila = unrepentant butchering of classic rock lyrics.

Summary: “No, Sir. This is a relatively tame night, all things considered. It’s much worse when he’s had whisky.”

Notes: A short apology for not having updated with any real substance for awhile.

“No one knows what it’s like—“

Rufus tried to dodge Reno’s sideways fall, but to no avail. Reno’s surprisingly heavy arm fell across his shoulders, and the next lyrics of the song Reno was singing came in a puff of hot, tequila-scented breath against his jaw.

“—ta be th'bad man—“

“This is what your team does every night after work?” Rufus snapped at Tseng, annoyed with having Reno’s stumbling weight suddenly resting squarely against his shoulder.

Tseng, who looked completely sober despite having shared an entire bottle of vodka with Rude, shook his head. “No, Sir. This is a relatively tame night, all things considered. It’s much worse when he’s had whisky.”

“Ta be th'sad man,” Reno added a mournful, off-key slur.

Rufus huffed and wrapped an arm around Reno’s waist to guide him away from the trash can he’d almost staggered into. After having seen the way his employees represented ShinRa Electric while off-duty, he had half a mind to tell them that they were no longer allowed to imbibe alcohol. But then he realized that doing so would more or less be akin to asking Reno not to eat or breathe, and he abandoned the thought with a sigh.

“Behind blue eyes,” Reno warbled, head thrown back as if his inability to carry a tune was as agonizing to him as it was to everyone else.

Rufus watched with equal parts irritation and disbelief, then arched an eyebrow at Tseng and asked, “And it never occurs to you that most people would be ashamed to be seen with him in this state?”

Tseng gave a slight shrug and glanced at Reno before looking back at Rufus. “We adapt, Sir.”

“Hey, you’ve got blue eyes,” Reno drawled, gazing up at Rufus with an expression of utter adoration. “You’ve got real pretty blue eyes.”

Rufus blinked, then scowled and looked away. But when Reno burst into the next verse of the song with renewed energy, he couldn’t quite keep the corners of his lips from twitching.

“But my dreams, they ain’t as empty,” Reno crooned, “as my conscience seems to be…”

“You’re going to wake the entire neighborhood,” Rufus grumbled under his breath.

“Don’t matter, boss,” Reno replied, and more or less twined himself around Rufus. “Anyone fucks with ya, they gotta answer to me, yo.”

Rufus had an acerbic remark ready on the tip of his tongue, but it dissolved along with his annoyance when Reno beamed up at him.

When he finally looked away, he caught Tseng watching. Their gazes met, and Tseng gave him a slight nod. “As I said, Sir: we adapt.”

Sims: Pynchon Legacy, 2.1

2009-04-09T01:23:41Z

WARNING for gay sims, murderous sociopaths, ass-babies, nanny drama, and fail.

So last time, we left off with a very pregnant Nero and Light. Neither of them seemed entirely sure about this whole being-a-dad thing, but too bad. We must move on.

The first one to go was Nero. He was walking into the kitchen for a late night snack and went into labor. Light was nowhere to be found at the time.

This is Andromeda. I fail at taking close-ups, but she has Light's coloring and Nero's eyes.

And what's the first thing Nero does? He actually feeds her. I'm already amazed by his parenting skills.

Nero: You're so adorable!!! :D
Andromeda: Excellent. Only an hour old and I already have a minion.

Oh dear.

And Nero is apparently determined to break every single stereotype about Sim parenting ever! GG, bebe!

Light woke up not long after that, and instead of going to check out his new baby, he decided the trash needed to be emptied. At 2AM. I guess cleanliness > babies.

Anyway, he ran into Mello, who immediately lost his shit when he noticed that Light was pregnant.

Mello: WTF ARE YOU PREGNANT?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, OMG! O.O

Light: Calm down. I have this under control. It's all part of my master plan.
Mello: ~sigh~ And to think I actually used to respect you, man.

Mello invited himself inside and made a beeline for the nursery, where he spotted Andromeda in her crib.

Mello: BWAHAHAHAHA YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE?! SOME KIRA YOU ARE, FAILBOAT!
Light: (from the other room) What are you talking about? I don't have a--

Welcome to your new life, Light. Enjoy your stay.

Light: :(

Light went into labor shortly afterwards (and Mello promptly exited stage right; apparently he had no intention of hanging around to watch Light disgrace himself any further).

Light: ALKHSFALKHDG HURTS!!!
Nero: ~not in the mood to be sympathetic since he just went through this himself~

But true to form, Light ended up getting the last laugh by having not one but two babies. That's right: twins. Thankfully, Nero and Light had just enough money to buy an extra crib.

Light: Hah! Who's laughing now, bitches?! :D
Venus: Just wait, Daddy. Just wait.

(Venus looks exactly like her sister: Light's coloring and Nero's eyes.)

And Mercury, who has Nero's eyes and original haircolor (brown) and Light's skintone.

Andromeda had been very carefully placed on the kitchen floor, by the way. So much for good parenting...

...but then the boys surprised me by putting all three babies in cribs, completely autonomously. I'm so proud.

The new dads even managed to get some naked snuggling time in before all hell broke loose. I can't get over how sweet they are to each other. Nero is sort of naive and practically worships Light, but Light actually shows Nero affection in return. It's hard to regret letting him move in.

Light: Eeeeeexcellent, just as planned.
Nero: Hmmm?
Light: Nothing, dearie :)

What?! Could it be possible that we actually have two decent parents in the house?

...or not.

Light: Oh good, it stopped crying. I'll just put this here and go back to bed.
Venus: Daddy? ...daddy? Anyone?

This became a pretty common sight.

Light: Ugh, what is that smell?
Venus: Pick up, plz?
Light: Not now, honey. Daddy's busy testing new biochemical weapons in the oven.

(Light, by the way, wanted a career in politics. I'm sure we're all surprised, y/y?)

Anyway, Nero finally woke up and brought Mercury into the kitchen, and I thought oh good, a decent parent. After feeding Mercury, Nero put him on the floor so he could change Venus. As it turned out, thatwas a bad idea...

...oh my god -.-

Nero: ...did you just pee on our child?!
Light: SHAMESHAMESHAME

Andromeda was still alive and healthy, by the way. She was on the only child Light actually paid any attention to, and she spent most of her infanthood in the crib, sleeping and occasionally being fed or bathed (mostly by Light). The others didn't fare quite as well, though.

Mercury: Change, plz?
Light: God, what is that awful smell?! >_<

Mercury: Pick up, plz?
Light: Not now, honey. Daddy's busy developing a drinking problem.

Since Light pretty much ignored all the kids except Andromeda, Nero had to take care of the twins by himself.

Nero: Can't we just write their names in the Death Note and be done with it?

Then, Light had to go back to work, so Nero was stuck taking care of three babies on his own. That would be enough to wear on anyone's patience, even someone as sweet as Nero.

Nero: HELLO?! HOSPITAL?! HOW DO I RETURN 2 SENDER THESE THINGS, PLZ?!

Eventually, it was birthday time for Andromeda! But she needed a makeover, so...

Not bad, not bad...

Andromeda: Eeeeexcellent. One step closer to world domination.
Me: LAKSHLKHDLKGHLKHDSLGKHLDKSHGLKHDS!!!!!!!!#@*(@!$@

This child is definitely Yagami Light's daughter y/n?

And let me just tell you: if you thought all the attention Light showed Andromeda as a baby would make her a happy, well-adjusted child, you were wrong. This child is a holy terror.

Andromeda: How am I supposed to help Daddy take over the world if they won't let me out of my crib? :(

(Andromeda seems offended that she, a child of Kira, would have to endure the indignity of being a toddler.)

But unlike her father, she started displaying some physically violent tendencies pretty early on.

Andromeda: Die, bear! You aren't pure enough to live in Daddy's newly cleansed world!

Jesus f'ing christ, kid.

She adores Light, though. She'll interact with Nero when she absolutely has to (though they mostly ignore each other), but she follows Light everywhere when he's home.

I spotted something unsettling when Nero took out the trash. You can't see it very well in this picture, unfortunately, but if you look very closely, it looks like there's a skull in that trash bag. WTF IS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?!

Anyway, it's birthday time!

First up was Venus. Unfortunately, she glitched so I didn't get a shot of her actual birthday, so here she is post-makeover. Cute, y/n? (And OMG, Light is willingly holding a child who isn't Andromeda?! When did this happen?!)

Next was Mercury and... and... The child looks like a Chucky doll O.O

You know the kid is creepy when even Light is afraid of it.

Light: Getitoffme, getitoffme, getitoffme!!! D:

Parental failure at its finest.

Poor Venus was just as ignored as a toddler as she was as an infant. She spent most of her time either playing on the floor alone or sleeping in her crib.

Venus: Daddy look! Look, Daddy! Watch!
Light: God damn, my husband is a hottie!

This is what passes for sex ed in the Pynchon-Yagami household.

Light and Nero: ~suck face for five hours~
Venus: ~neglected and traumatized for life~

Nero eventually got a promotion and his schedule changed, so I had to hire a nanny (even though the boys really, really didn't have the money for one)

Nanny: Awwww, aren't you just the cutest thing.
Andromeda: STFU and pick me up, minion-wench.

The nanny turned out to be a total pedo, though. She bathed Andromeda over and over again, until Andromeda's hunger and energy bars were completely empty. Light caught her in the act when he got home from work, and the next day, a different nanny showed up. Coincidence? I think not.

Andromeda: That's fine, you go right ahead and bathe me again. But mark my words: my father will destroy you.

The new nanny wasn't much better, though. As soon as Nero got home, she started following him around, trashing his parenting skills (and wtf, seriously, because of all the sims I've played, Nero is probably the best parent I've ever had).

WHO'S MADE OF FAIL, AGAIN?! Bitch.

Anyway, BIRTHDAY TIME! This time, it's Andromeda.

I failed to get a shot of her in the process of growing up, but here she is in the aftermath. I'm not sure about her mouth, but the rest of her is pretty cute. If I didn't know better, I would almost think she was turning into a semi-normal child.

...or not O.O

Andromeda: YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!!! RAGHRARHRHGARAGH!

And yeah, she's not any more well-behaved as a child than she was as a toddler.

Light: Oh god, I just had a dream that my daughter was the anti-christ!

That weren't no dream, bebe.

She's just as OCD about cleaning as Light is, though. If the house isn't spotless, she'll toss and turn, dreaming about it, then wake up in the middle of the night to clean.

Andromeda: Must... clean... must... be... spotless... in preparation... for... Daddy's... new world...

Psyyyyyyychooooooo

If you're wondering why there aren't more photos of the twins, it's because frankly, they're boring toddlers.

Andromeda: Hello, hospital? Yes, there seems to have been some sort of mistake. You see, these children that my parents keep calling my 'siblings' are boring. And I'm sure you know that no child of Kira could ever be anything as mundane as boring. So I would appreciate it if you were to bring my real brother and sister here, post haste.

Sorry kiddo, but they're definitely your real brother and sister. Your Daddy Light grew them himself.

Nero took a liking to Chucky-- er, Mercury-- and actually spent a lot of time with him. (Nero wanted to be in law enforcement, by the way. Could he and Light be any more perfect for each other?)

Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure Venus would have died if it hadn't been for the nanny. Nero only took care of her when she was in hunger desperation mode, and Light picked her up all of three times throughout her toddlerhood, and I'm pretty sure one of those times was by mistake.

Light: Ugh, what is this thing? You're not my daughter! What have you done with Andromeda?!
Andromeda: Down here, Daddy!

Light: Oh thank god! I thought that thing had eaten you!
Andromeda: ~doesn't get the concept of hugging~ What are they doing? I don't understand.

At some point, their tiny bathroom became the family hang-out spot. Witness Light playing with Andromeda, Nero playing with Mercury, and Venus playing with-- the toilet. Sigh.

Anyway, enough of this toddler nonsense. Let's have some birthdays!

Here's Mercury, looking a little less Chucky-ish. He has the same weird mouth as Andromeda, but there's still a chance that he could grow into it. It's too bad he's boring.

And oh my, Venus. Note the melancholy wistfulness in her eyes. That's a look honed by years of neglect, folks.

Andromeda's first act as a big sister was to teach Mercury how to be just as nightmarish as she is. It wasn't hard, because Mercury takes after Nero in the naive-but-sweet category, and pretty much does whatever his sisters tell him to do.

Venus, on the other hand, is extremely quiet and withdrawn (I wonder why).

Mercury: Hey sis, let's play Daddy Light Kills Another Murderer! I'll be the murderer and you be Daddy Light, okay? See? ~feigns heart attack~
Venus: Play? What is this 'playing' thing you speak of?

But I hope her quiet-and-withdrawn act hasn't fooled anyone into thinking she's sane or anything. She's still Light and Nero's daughter, after all.

Venus: First the dollhouse, then your lives, assholes!

O.O

And if you're wondering how Nero and Light are doing, they're just fine. They haven't had a single fight and their relationship has stayed at 100 without any outside help. Ladies and gentlemen, it might actually be true love after all.

Light's relationship with Andromeda hasn't changed, either; she's still his favorite. And I get the feeling he's been giving her instructions on how to make herself seem more normal so no one in the outside world catches on that she's completely fucking insane.

Andromeda: Do I have to make friends with the kids at school, Daddy? They're so... typical.
Light: Yes, dear, you have to pretend to be normal so you'll stay off their radar. Police notice people like us when we don't keep our true nature hidden.

(Yes I've been watching Dexter, STFU -.-)

Mercury isn't a very good student, but Andromeda and Venus both get high marks. Venus actually managed to get Nero's attention long enough to be congratulated for her A+ report card.

And stop pedo-ing on Venus, Mello!

Let's just pretend that Mello is making pleasant conversation and not being a total pedo, shall we?

Mercury: So, how do you know Daddy Light?
Mello: Well, you see, your Daddy Light was Kira...
Andromeda's Friend: Who the hell is this guy?
Andromeda: God, making friends is so hard! Why can't I just write her name in the Death Note?

At one point, Andromeda's friend trapped Nero in a hilariously awkward conversation.

Andromeda's Friend: My Dad says you're a homo and a sissy, and that you like to dress up in women's clothing. Is that true? :D
Nero: ~nervous laughter~ Ah-hah-hah, uh, well, you see, there was this one time in college...
Venus: This is too embarrassing for words.

Eventually, everyone went home and most of the family went to sleep. That's when I discovered that Venus apparently slept so much as a toddler that she doesn't need to sleep as a child. Ever. I also discovered that she has an unsettling nocturnal hobby: stalking her sleeping siblings.

Venus: Sleep well, brother. I hope your dreams are sweet for now, because they won't be for much longer.

Venus: And you... Daddy Light's favorite... Oh don't worry, big sister, I have plans for you too.

When she was finished stalking, she went into the kitchen and stood there, holding the bear, until everyone else woke up.

CREEPIEST. CHILD. EVER.

(TBC...)

The kids will be teenagers soon, which means it's almost time for me to choose an heir for this generation. I have to be honest, it's going to be a tough choice. I really wanted a male heir, but Mercury is boring so he's out of the running. That leaves Andromeda and Venus, both of whom are completely psycho, but in different ways, and both of whom I love for different reasons. I suppose it will eventually come down to who I like more as a teenager, but in the meantime, do you guys have a favorite?

Sims: Pynchon Legacy, 1.1

2009-04-08T09:50:36Z

I finally gave in and decided to start a Sims legacy. A lot of my townies came from a bin of Sims that a friend gave to me, some of which she made and others which she downloaded but can't remember where they came from. So if you spot any of your Sims, or know who the Sims belong to, let me know so I can give credit.

WARNING for gay sims, murderous sociopaths, ass-babies, language, and fail.

This is our founder, Nero. In retrospect, I should have known that naming him after an evil Roman emporer was a bad idea, but I thought hey, what's the worst that could possibly happen? ~sigh~

But first thing's first: stocking the fridge. Nero, being the pimp that he is, knows how important it is to have a couple of bottles of Cristal on hand to help him score with the ladies (or gents). Unfortunately, with his paycheck, he had to settle for Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Nero: ~struts his po' white like it ain't no thang~

And hello, who do we have here?

Unfortunately, their first meeting didn't go so well, mostly because Matteus is kind of a dick.

Matteus: Hahah you suck! I haven't fallen for that one since grade school.
Nero: I think you broke my nose T_T

They chatted for awhile, but it was pretty clear their relationship wasn't going anywhere but down.

Nero: I fucking hate movies!
Matteus: I hate your face! Die, four-eyes!

Nero got one last parting shot in before he left, though.

Nero: LOLOLOLOLOL! There's your grade school, bitch!

Oh Nero, I love you already.

After Nero was finished pwning people's faces at the market, he went home. Since he struck out with Matteus (and didn't have much better luck with the store clerk), he was happy to see that he had a couple people standing outside his house, waiting to welcome him.

Why hello there, Anne. Unfortunately, Nero wanted absolutely nothing to do with her after they shook hands.

Saiyuki also showed up, but Nero decided to make his gender preferences clear pretty much right away.

Saiyuki: It's so nice to finally meet you!
Nero: Hi. I'm gay.
Saiyuki: ...well okay then.

Then he moved on to greet...

Wait, is that who I think it is?

ohfuckno

Remember when I hinted that I probably should have known better than to name my founder after a tyrannical madman?

Yeah. This is why.

Nero: ~stalkstalkstalk~
Light: ~pretends to be oblivious~

There were three other people in the house, but the only person Nero was interested in talking to was Light.

Nero: Come on, say it, just once?
Light: I am justice.
Nero: ~fangirl squeal~
Me: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!

Nero had a few short conversations with the girls, none of which turned out very well.

Nero: 'Curvy' is just another word for 'fat' you know.
Anne: I. will. fuck. your. shit. up.

And then he went straight back to fangirling Light.

Nero: You know, I've always wanted to help someone take over the world.
Light: Eeeeeeeeexcellent

Light: I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.
Nero: :D :D :D
Me: alkdhflkhskfghsf stop corrupting my founder, Light!

But Nero looked so happy that I decided not to interfere (not that I would have had much luck anyway). Besides, they were actually being kind of-- dare I say it-- cute.

I did make one last-ditch effort to save Nero from Light's clutches, though, by taking him downtown the next day. Once he got there, he promptly changed into his swimsuit for no apparent reason and sat at the bar for four hours.

Bartender: We do have a dress code, Sir.
Nero: I'm dating Kira.
Bartender: ...another bloody mary, Sir? It's on the house.

Downtown was not crawling with teh hot as I'd hoped it would be, though I did spot this guy wandering around. His lips will eventually be bred into this legacy.

At that point, though, Nero was too busy DJ'ing in his Speedos(TM) to notice anyone.

Nero: Rock lobster!

Since Nero had shown zero interest in anyone but Light, I eventually gave up (against my better judgment) and invited Light back over. These two were on each other in minutes.

Seriously, guys? -.-

Shortly afterwards, Light moved in, and any sense of decency Nero may have once had was gone.

Matilda: alkdhflkshdglkhfgkh! Pants, plz!

With all the boinking going on, it was only a matter of time before someone got knocked up.

Me: Grats, Nero!
Nero: Nghfgh I hate my life.

Nero decided to break the baby news over dinner.

Nero: I'm pregnant. Anyway, I was wondering--
Light: AKJFHLDKGHD WAIT, WHAT? O.O

Light: ...

Light: That means more minions. Eeeeeeexcellent... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Oh dear god.

The first part of Nero's pregnancy was boring. All he did was sleep, eat, pee, and shower whenever Light started to complain about him stinking. Light stayed by Nero's side pretty much 24/7 when he wasn't at work though, which I thought was kind of sweet, especially for a murderous sociopath.

But just when I thought it was going to be the most boring pregnancy in history, I noticed something strange...

...that is Light. With a pregnant belly.

Nero: So wait, we're both pregnant?
Light: It would seem so, yes.
Nero: Oh. Interesting.
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYYYYY?!? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?! ~tears hair out~

And thus, the nightmare began.

Surprisingly, both pregnancies were pretty boring. There were a few moments of intense fail, though, like when Nero realized, 'Oh fuck I'm giving birth to the spawn of Satan.'

And a re-enactment of some of Light's previous fail.

Light: ~realizes he's about to be a father and tries to bludgeon himself to death on a toaster pastry~
Nero: This is so pathetic I can't even stand to watch...

(TBC...)

The Sims: Death Note, Episode 2

2009-03-19T02:48:00Z

Once more, with failing...

The boys have been given makeovers. Everyone looks mostly the same except for their clothing, but I completely re-did Near, who is so ridiculously pretty that I can't stop looking at him:

See what I mean?

Anyway, in order to remake Near, I had to also remake the entire family. I thought things would be a little different this time around, since they were more or less new characters, but some things stayed the same. For example, these two pretty much immediately started hitting on each other:

Yeah, that's Mello and Near, a couple of seconds away from having full-blown sex on the couch, judging by the look on Near's face.

However, there were also some differences. For example, I noticed pretty much right away that these guys are made of complete fail:

WTF? What's wrong, you guys?

Oh.

And who started the fire in the first place, you ask?

That, my friends, is what fail looks like. Instead of grabbing a fire extinguisher or calling the fire department, Mello is wrinkling his nose in disgust and trying to creep out of the kitchen, unnoticed.

Thankfully, they had a smoke alarm in place, so the fire department came and put the fire out while everyone else was busy spazzing:

Awww, look at Light pretending to be useful.

Near: "Oh thank goodness! I was worried the smoke would get my shirt dirty! This is Prada, after all..."

Near is, by the way, a total queen. It started with the beaded dress and just went downhill from there.

And where was L while all this was happening?

Upstairs, developing a drinking problem (not that I blame him, considering who he has to live with).

Shortly after the fire trucks left, two of our "heroes" went upstairs to join L and presumably brag about how awesome the fire was and how they totally saved the day:

Meanwhile, Mello was still downstairs, staring at the aftermath of his cooking experiment gone wrong:

Shortly afterwards, he went upstairs to try and work his dubious charms on L:

Mello: "LOLOLOL I STINK WANT 2 SMEL?!"
L: "No, that's okay, really."

I finally managed to get Mello into the shower while L went back to watching television in bed and Near went to sleep in the other bedroom.

At this point, Light's energy bar was way, way down, so I tried to make him go to sleep too. That only lasted all of two minutes before he got back up again and went downstairs for a snack, even though his hunger bar was full:

Maybe he was being kept awake by his own stench, who knows. Anyway, once he was finished drinking milk out of the carton in his underwear, he started complaining that he was tired, so I tried to make him go to bed. What did he do instead? This:

And he kept drinking, over and over again, until he passed out on the floor:

I let him sleep for awhile, then woke him up and tried to get him to move to a more comfortable location. He got maybe two steps before this happened:

~sigh~

So being the loving and benevolent goddess that I am, I left his stupid ass there.

By the time Light fell asleep standing up, everyone else was waking up. That's when I learned two things:

1) Mello is perfectly content to wander around in his underwear at all times. I can't blame him, though, considering he has a fantastic arse.

Apparently, Near agrees.

And 2) Mello and Near are pretty much physically incapable of keeping their hands off each other.

They stood there and made out for a few hours until L and Light woke up. Apparently, L and Light thought Mello and Near were on to something, because when I left them, they'd been watching television, and when I came back to check on them, they were doing this:

HAH! I knew it! I knew something was going on between those two!

Then they headed upstairs together and I thought aha! They're going to shag. But no, they just cuddled like a couple of sissies:

I guess they wanted to take things slow, and it seemed to work because by the time I came back from checking on Mello and Near (who were still making out), L and Light had declared their love for each other.

At this point I was thinking I wouldn't get any more good material. I had two happy couples, and everyone was friends with everyone else, so there couldn't possibly be any cause for angst, right? Wrong.

Eventually, the boys got tired of all the cuddling and kissing, and wandered off to do their own thing. Near and L decided to do what they do best, which is being a couple of lazy assholes:

And downstairs, Light decided to impress Mello with his singing skills:

...or not.

Light: "Do you belieeeeeve in life after love?"
Mello: ~has a total fucking breakdown~

Apparently Light felt bad for causing Mello's nervous breakdown by singing Cher, because he immediately tried to cheer Mello up with some gossip:

Light: "...and then he bled all over my Armani jacket, can you believe it?"
Mello: "Oh my god, how embarrassing!"

(Or I assume that's the kind of thing that would pass for gossip between two psychotic murderers, at least.)

After giggling nonstop for about an hour like two schoolgirls, they eventually stopped talking and just stood there and stared at each other instead:

Mello: "So uh... This sexual tension sure is awkward."
Light: "Uhm, yeah. It sure is. We should probably uh, go do something else, you know, before either of us does something incredibly stupid."
Mello: "Yeah, we wouldn't want to, you know, do something like kiss or something. Because that would be dumb."
Light: "Yeah, that would be really dumb."

Hey assholes, do the names "L" and "Near" mean anything to you?

Apparently not, because from there, they moved on to slow-dancing together:

At this point, Near came downstairs, on his way to the kitchen, and totally caught them in the act. First, he confronted Light, who tried to deny that there was anything going on between him and Mello:

Light: "We weren't doing anything, I swear! I fell and he was checking my ass for fractures!"
Near: "..."

And Near then proceeded to bitchslap the hell out of Mello:

Then, he went outside and cried for almost an hour:

:( :( :(

Meanwhile, Light didn't seem to have gotten the hint that maybe he should leave Mello alone, because he started following Mello around the house, trying to talk to him:

Light: "So uh, we should do that again sometime..."
Mello: "You ruined my life."

When that didn't go as planned, he decided to then show off his brilliance by following Near around the house:

Light: "So uhm, you're not mad at me, right? Your boyfriend is a really good kisser, by the way."
Near: "I will fucking destroy you."

Eventually, Light apparently got the hint that no one wanted him around, because he went into the kitchen and tried to kill himself...

...by drowning himself in a bowl of cereal. GG, bebe.

Thankfully, it didn't work. Also thankfully, L had no idea what had happened between his three roommates, and still thought Light was his loving and very faithful snookums:

L: "I love you so much, pookie. And by the way, if you ever cheat on me, I'll rip out your heart and roast it, then make you eat it."
Light: ~nervous laughter~ "Ah-hah, hah, hah, I'd never cheat on you, pumpkin."

So Light, in a fit of guilt (or fear), decided to devote pretty much his every waking moment to following L around the house and basically being attentive as possible. That eventually led to a proposal, which happened in the most romantic place imaginable: the kitchen.

Whatever makes you happy, guys.

But while L and Light were living happily ever after, there was still heavy tension between Mello and Near. Mello tried apologizing a few times, but it didn't seem to help much:

Mello: "I am so, so, sorry."
Near: "You're dead to me."

So he tried again:

Mello: "Listen Near, I'm really sorry, you have to believe me! I can't sleep, I can't eat..."
Near: ~ignores and watches television~

Near wasn't as unaffected as he pretended to be, though, because whenever no one was looking, he'd run outside and cry in the front yard:

But for as apologetic as Mello was being, he didn't seem ready to give up on Light. At one point, L and Near were watching television in bed, with Light standing next to them. Then Mello came in and proceeded to walk right over to Light and try to kiss him in front of everyone. Maybe he was trying to make Near jealous?

Either way, it happened too fast for me to get a shot of it, but I did get the heartbreaking aftermath:

Near: "WAAAAAAHHHHH I loved him so much!"
L: "Uh, there-there? Shit, I suck at this comfort crap."

L seemed to take what had happened okay at first-- it was Mello who tried to kiss Light, after all-- but a few minutes after everyone had left the room, he promptly lost his shit:

So the nice man in the white coat had to come and talk him out of slitting his own wrists:

Doctor: "This is not the droid you're looking for."
L: "Huh?"

After that, he seemed alright, because he went back to snuggling with Light like nothing had happened:

L: "It's okay, snugglykins, I know it was just Mello trying to make Near jealous. I know there's nothing between you, especially since I've already told you that if you ever cheated on me, I'd cut your penis off with the dull edge of a rusty knife and then pour lemon juice over the open wound."
Light: ~nervous laughter~

L wasn't so forgiving of Mello, though. At one point, when he happened to bump into Mello in the hall, he jumped him:

And totally whooped his ass:

Afterwards, L went back to snuggle with Light some more, and Mello went to cry alone in the bedroom he used to share with Near:

About an hour into his crying fit, Near came into the room, wanting to go to bed, and started yelling at Mello to leave.

So Mello went downstairs to eat alone, and everything was fine until L came down, at which point Mello stopped eating:

Eventually, L stopped trying to pretend he wasn't there just to get under Mello's skin, and he came over and sat right across from him:

So Near is mad at him for messing around with Light, L is mad at him for messing around with Light, and Light won't have anything to do with him. And the sad part of all of it is that Mello really doesn't seem to have any real feelings for Light; he walks around all the time, thinking about Near pretty much constantly.

Anyway, after L had more or less run him out of the kitchen, Mello decided he was tired. But with Near sleeping in one bed and Light sleeping in the other, and L prowling around the house, he really didn't have anywhere to go.

So he went outside. And fell asleep in a lawn chair. Alone.

:( :( :(

THE END!
(for now)

The Sims: Death Note, Episode 1

2009-03-18T01:04:34Z

So instead of working on writing projects, I've been playing The Sims. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

First, let's meet the cast...

This is Light. I promise that this is the most normal you're going to see him look.

Don't believe me? Here's proof:

This is L. Get used to seeing him drink coffee, because that's pretty much the only thing he does (besides sit on the computer and stare suspiciously at Light):

This is Near. He's kind of an airhead. He's also slightly insane:

But believe me when I say that Near's insanity is nothing compared to Mello's:

...yeah.

Things started out pretty normal, and for awhile, I wasn't sure I'd get any good material because the boys were getting along so well:

Near: "Why I say, old chap, this Earl Grey is stupendous."
L: "...why are you drinking tea out of a bowl?"

I didn't have to wait long before the boys brought the crazy, though. The first one down was Near who, in the span of one day, developed a sick obsession with L. To his credit, he started out pretty subtly:

Near: "What, this old rag? It's just an encyclopedia of medieval torture practices. Just some light reading. Nothing to worry about."
L: ~isn't even paying attention~

But eventually, he stopped bothering to pretend like he wasn't just standing there and staring like a creepy stalker:

L is thinking, 'Is he still looking? Fuck, he's still looking. Why is he still looking?'

But the stalking just kept getting worse and worse...

Near: "Do need me to stir your oatmeal for you? I can stir your oatmeal for you, if you want. I don't mind stirring your oatmeal for you."
L: "Uh, no, that's okay. Really."

Until even crazy-ass Mello started to get suspicious:

Or maybe he's just plotting their deaths. It's hard to tell with him, sometimes.

And what was Light doing while all this was going on?

Reading fanfic, apparently...

Anyway, Near's stalking seemed to set off a trend in the house. Before long, L was following Light around and glaring at him:

Light: "La, la, la, Pop-Tarts!"
L: "..."

And Light, never being one to let L get away with doing anything better than he can, retaliated:

L: "La, la, la, porn!"
Light: "...I know some great fanfic sites, if you're interested."

But it was Mello who finally crossed the line:

Over, and over, and over again... If there was a line, Mello would fucking destroy that shit:

After awhile, Mello's crazy started to grow on Near, because they started hanging out a lot:

Apparently, they're having a deep discussion about justice over a game of chess. Art imitating art? I think so.

Anyway, Mello had apparently been losing, because while Near took a bathroom break, Mello totally cheated:

Mello: "Shit, shit, hurry before he catches me. No, shut up, give me a second to think. No, you shut up and hurry, or he'll kill us both."

I told you he was crazy.

But I guess Near didn't notice, because when he came back, they kept playing until Near eventually lost...

...and promptly threw a hissy fit of epic proportions.

Mello seemed to feel bad about cheating, though (or he took advantage of Near's moment of weakness), because shortly after their chess game, he started macking on Near big time while Light decided to revive the stalker game:

Mello: "I'm sorry I tried to murder you over and over again. I didn't mean it."
Near: "Awwwww, it's okay, I forgive you."
Light: "Hey guys, I know some really neat fanfic sites..."

From that point, Light seemed to be there every single time Mello was trying to get his groove on, until Mello finally just gave up and snogged the daylights out of Near:

Light: "Hey guys, this totally reminds me of this BSG fanfic I was reading the other day..."

Eventually, though, Light went away and left them to their own devices:

Light: "Mmm, yes, this is fantastic material for my Dumbledore/Hagrid story!"

Since Light had apparently gotten bored of watching Mello and Near make out, and had nothing to do other than write dirty fanfic, he decided to start working on his cooking skills. You can guess how well that went:

Light made a huge fuss about it and left the plate on the table. A few minutes later, L and Mello came down for breakfast, and this happened:

(The dejected, disapproving look on Mello's face destroys me.)

L: "It's not that bad, really. I like Cajun food."
Mello: "Thanks for completely destroying my appetite."

Meanwhile, Mello and Near were still making out all over the place...

Entertaining each other...

And uh... this:

Near: "Did you see the beading detail on that dress? Totally fabulous."
Mello: "..."

Anyway, they were being completely adorable, at least until L caught on that there was something going on between them:

Now mind you, Near and L hadn't had anything to do with each other in days. But apparently, Near's obsession with L wasn't going to die a quiet death, because it came back full-force:

Near: "You have such nice biceps!"
L: "Hey, hands off the shirt! This is vintage!"

And he started stalking L around the house again:

It got so bad that he was even thinking about L while in bed with Mello:

Anyway, with all the stalking that Near was doing, Mello was left all by himself (because he sure as hell wasn't going to hang out with Light's crazy ass). His impending nervous breakdown wasn't obvious at first. He seemed perfectly content to entertain himself while his boyfriend was off stalking another man all over the place:

Everything was fine until he started talking to himself-- or rather, to the invisible Near sitting next to him, judging by the fact that he put a second hot dog out in front of the chair where Near usually sits:

And that was where shit started to get really weird. First, he went and got a new hot dog, then freaked out at it (this is while he's still talking to himself, by the way):

Then he moves over to Near's chair and keeps talking to himself, like he's impersonating the Near who isn't there (because Near, at this point, was upstairs watching L shower):

And eventually, the total meltdown began:

See that look on his face? That's the look of a man who's about to completely lose his shit.

After freaking out in the kitchen for awhile (while cleaning up everything except the plate of hot dogs he'd left on the floor)...

...Mello went into the living room and proceeded to freak out some more:

Mello: "I will fucking kill a bitch!"

Eventually, it got so bad that even the cleaning guy was like, "Fuck it, I'm out! They don't pay me enough for this shit!"

Mello: "Trick-ass hos better recognize!"

Later that night, once he was feeling a little more calm, Mello confronted Near in the kitchen and asked Near for a date:

Mello: ~sulky~ "Hey uh, you want to like, go get some pizza or something?"

It was actually very adorable-- or it would have been, if not for the fact that Mello had just finished going completely psycho in the living room.

So they took Mello's sweet ride downtown:

Things were going really well between them, and Mello seemed like he'd forgiven Near. At the restaurant, Mello even started to make a toast to new beginnings:

And then promptly lost his shit again:

:( :( :(

Poor bebe.

Meanwhile, back at the house, this was happening:

Yeah, that's L and Light. Hugging. I know, WTF?

Anyway, Mello and Near eventually got home and headed upstairs together. I figured they'd made up and were going to go get it on, but no...

They just stretched out together and talked for awhile.

Easily their most adorable moment so far... at least until Mello ruined it by more or less pouncing on Near and shagging him through the mattress. They both fell asleep afterwards, but it seemed to be all they needed to make things right between them again:

And where was L during all of this? Sitting in the kitchen, alone, in the middle of the night, drinking coffee:

Meanwhile, Light was asleep in L's bed, the other side of which looked distinctly slept in, even though I never actually saw L sleep once while I was playing:

I think L and Light are up to something, y/n?

Don't give me that look, L. You know exactly what I'm talking about. And believe me, I'm eventually going to catch you two in the act...

THE END!
(for now)

Non-fic: Delays

2009-03-11T02:33:12Z

Hi everyone,

I know I haven't been around much lately, and I do actually have a reason for it (and no, it's not due to lack of interest). The short story is that real life caught up with me. The long story is that shortly after the holidays, the bad economy started to take its toll on my company, so we were all working our arses off to try and keep everything running. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough, and they let thirty employees go yesterday. I was one of them. The bad news is, of course, that I'm now unemployed. The good news is that between sessions of papering the city with my resume, I have more time to write.

So to those of you to whom I owe fic, I'm sorry and I haven't forgotten about you. For the maybe two or three of you who are wondering where the next installment of the Legendary Series is, I haven't forgotten about you either.

-Nishi

Fic: The Price of Captivity

2009-02-27T18:18:33Z

Title: The Price of Captivity
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Pairing: Rufus/Reno
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: R

Notes: Written for 1sentence

01. Motion

Reno doesn't watch Rufus because it's his job; he watches because Rufus is beautiful and Reno lives in a world that isn't.

02. Cool

They both have appearances to maintain in public, but when they're alone together at the end of the day, they can let their guard drop and admit they're not as calm and collected as they seem.

03. Young

Reno isn't much older than Rufus, but sometimes all he can see is the scowling teenager he once knew, which might be why Tseng accuses him of being overprotective.

04. Last

Standing down at street level, watching the fire consume ShinRa Tower, Reno had been terrified that the petty argument they'd had earlier in the day would be the last time he saw Rufus.

05. Wrong

Seeing someone as untouchable as Rufus lying in a bed in the medical ward seems wrong, but Reno stays by his side anyway.

06. Gentle

The first kiss is all Reno's fault, an impulsive but gentle brush of lips-to-lips the second Rufus opens his eyes.

07. One

Reno has never been a one-lover kind of guy, but he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he could be for Rufus.

08. Thousand

Someone once offered Reno a thousand gil per day to leave ShinRa and work as a consultant, and found out the hard way exactly how deep a Turk's loyalty can run.

09. King

To some, Rufus Shinra's name is synonymous with 'tyrant' or 'king', but to Reno, it's synonymous with everything.

10. Learn

Reno finds out that Rufus remembers their first kiss exactly two days before Geostigma sets in and ruins everything all over again.

11. Blur

Reno's memories of Healin Lodge are a blur of lips, hands, and clinging to Rufus in those nights when neither of them were sure he'd wake up if he fell asleep.

12. Wait

The most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to Reno is when Rufus, fever-dazed and half-asleep, tells him he'll wait for him on the other side.

13. Change

When the rain begins to fall and Reno sees the black marks of Geostigma disappearing right in front of him, his relief is tinged with worry that once Rufus is well again, everything between them will change.

14. Command

To Reno's utter delight, the first order Rufus gives him once they're home again is to kiss him and not stop until morning.

15. Hold

Rufus insists he doesn't like to be held when he sleeps, but he doesn't protest when Reno curls up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist.

16. Need

Reno's basic necessities are water, sleep, and Rufus, in that order.

17. Vision

Rufus never admits that their relationship means anything to him, but Reno knows it must because he's included in every single one of Rufus' visions of a perfect future.

18. Attention

Rufus asks him one day if he purposely gets himself into trouble just to get attention, and Reno replies that no, he does it because he knows Rufus would probably die of boredom otherwise.

19. Soul

Reno sold his soul to Shinra Electric a long time ago and he wonders if that means his soul, by extension, also belongs to Rufus.

20. Picture

There is, as far as Reno knows, exactly one picture of Rufus smiling, and it's the one he keeps folded and hidden in his wallet.

21. Fool

"You are the most brilliant idiot I've ever known," Rufus says one day, and Reno just grins in reply.

22. Mad

Rufus is beautiful when he's angry, so Reno does everything he can to see that fury as often as possible.

23. Child

"I'm a grown man," Rufus grumbles, but then he sniffles and coughs, so Reno just chuckles and carries him to bed.

24. Now

Once upon a time, Reno and Rufus had gone to great lengths to hide their relationship from the others, but no one seems surprised when Tseng catches them kissing in the second floor conference room.

25. Shadow

Rufus reminds him one night that they'll never be able to make their relationship public, but that's okay with Reno because it's easier to keep people safe when you watch them from the shadows.

26. Goodbye

The first time Rufus refers to his penthouse as 'home' for Reno, the conversation goes something like this: "I'm hanging up now, and I don't care where you found it, you'd better not bring it home."

27. Hide

Neither of them are the type to run away from anything, but there are some mornings when they give in to the urge to pull the sheets up over their heads and listen to nothing but the sound of each other's breathing.

28. Fortune

One night, after four glasses of whisky, Rufus admits that one of the main reasons he cares about the company's financial well-being is so he can take care of the people who take care of him, and he actually has the nerve to look surprised when Reno claims his lips in a deep, possessive kiss.

29. Safe

The only time Reno feels safe is when he's protecting Rufus.

30. Ghost

They're driving through the city on their way to one of the new reactor sites when Reno spots a boy with silver hair standing on a street corner, and he knows Rufus saw the boy too when he feels warm fingers twining through his.

31. Book

According to the employee handbook, all personnel are required to take a one hour lunch break while on duty, which gives Reno enough time to sneak into the president's office and arrange himself atop the desk before Rufus comes back from his morning meetings.

32. Eye

Reno tightens the knots in the ropes, watches the way sharp hipbones cast shadows on a slender torso as they cant upwards, and realizes that nothing is more beautiful than the look in Rufus' eyes when he's writhing in agony and pleading for more.

33. Never

There are certain things Reno has always sworn he would never do-- wear a tie, eat anything with a name he can't pronounce, and fall in love-- but Rufus is systematically proving to him that 'never' is a relative term, at best.

34. Sing

Reno realizes he's not the only one who occasionally suffers from jealousy when he comes stumbling out of the pub one night with an arm wrapped around Rude's waist, both of them singing at the top of their lungs, and finds Rufus leaning against the side of the car with his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed.

35. Sudden

Reno tries to pretend he never planned for things between them to turn out the way they did, but then he takes one look at Rufus asleep on the pillow next to him and knows he's lying to himself.

36. Stop

"Is this alright?" Rufus asks, and Reno nods because he knows that all he ever has to do is say stop.

37. Time

They've never celebrated anniversaries because they've never put a name to what they're doing, so all Reno can do is stare when he comes home to a bottle of top-shelf scotch and a note from Rufus that reads: 'It's been seven years, don't you think it's time we stop pretending?'

38. Wash

"You're a saint, a god, perfect in every way," Reno groans and tilts his head back as Rufus sighs with exasperation and works the shampoo into his scalp with firm, even strokes.

39. Torn

There are times when Reno's convinced he'll eventually have to choose between being a Turk and being a lover, but when he comes home covered in blood and Rufus is there to clean his wounds, he knows the two jobs are one and the same.

40. History

"The first time I met you, I thought you were the most aggravating bastard I'd ever laid eyes on," Rufus says, and Reno laughs when he adds, "I've yet to be proven wrong."

41. Power

Reno likes flying because it gives him the illusion of power and control; Rufus likes flying because it gives him a taste of freedom.

42. Bother

"Sometimes, I think you go out of your way to be as annoying as possible," Rufus says with a sigh, and Reno grins because there's no point in trying to deny it.

43. God

Reno can't remember ever being as relieved as he is on the day they lock the door to Hojo's laboratory for the last time and Rufus murmurs, "We have no business trying to play god."

44. Wall

When Rufus finds out that Reno has destroyed an entire wall of the penthouse with homemade explosives, his only reaction is a resigned sigh.

45. Naked

They've seen each other undressed more times than either of them can count, but Reno has never felt more exposed than when he picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of his jacket and mutters, "I know that's a long time to ask for 'n all, but-- well, I ain't planning to go nowhere."

46. Drive

"I really don't think that's what the e-brake is for," Rufus says, and Reno chuckles as the car skids around another corner.

47. Harm

"How is it that you can take a bullet without flinching, but a splinter makes you cry like a child?" Rufus grumbles, and dives back in with the tweezers, oblivious to Reno's howls for mercy.

48. Precious

"You are," Rufus whispers against Reno's ear, "the most precious thing I own."

49. Hunger

Reno wonders what everyone else would say if they could see Rufus lying on the couch in nothing but his underwear, letting Reno drop one piece of popcorn at a time into his open mouth, and then quickly decides that he doesn't want anyone else to see Rufus that way.

50. Believe

Reno doesn't believe in destiny or fate, but he believes in Rufus and that's enough.

Fic: Breaking Tradition

2008-12-19T18:06:04Z

Title: Breaking Tradition
Author: nishi_shinji
Universe: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Renji, Ukitake/Shuuhei (implied Byakuya/Renji/Ukitake/Shuuhei)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: To their credit, they'd been drunk at the time.

Author's Notes: Requested by ldybastet whom I adore more than chocolate, brie, and cigarettes combined. Also, this is unbeta'ed, so please feel free to point out any mistakes.

To their credit, they'd been drunk at the time.

Of course, Renji doubted that excuse would carry much weight once Byakuya came home and found the trail of dirt leading up the front steps of the manor, nor was he likely to be pleased about the vase that had been knocked over in the hall. On any other day, the servants would have already cleaned the mess up, but Renji, in a drunken fit of benevolence and acting as the master of the house while his lover was away, had given them all the day off in observance of Christmas. It had seemed like a good idea when it was actually happening. Now, he was beginning to realize that it essentially meant he and Shuuhei were fucked.

"D'you think we could get everything clean before he comes back?" Shuuhei asked, staring at the dirt that had been ground into the tatami mats in the front hall.

Renji shook his head and sighed. "Not a chance. Even if we did get it all straightened up, we'd still have'ta explain the damn vase. And knowin' our luck, it was probably some kinda special vase, passed down from his great-great-grandad or something."

And then, since their luck seemed determined to be temperamental, their conversation was interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the gravel just on the other side of the hedge that ringed the main house. Shortly following their startled silence, there was a flurry of hushed activity as Shuuhei tried to dart inside (presumably to escape certain death), and Renji grabbed him by the collar of his yukata to drag him back out onto the porch. They'd both had a part in making the mess, and Renji would be damned if Shuuhei was going to let him face the consequences alone.

Byakuya and-- to Renji and Shuuhei's groaning dismay-- Ukitake rounded the corner of the hedge and then stopped in unison. Thankfully, Ukitake reacted to the sight with a hushed laugh and a slight shake of his head. Byakuya, on the other hand, definitely did not look amused.

Renji held his breath while his lover's eyes darted to the chunk of mossy earth near the end of the path and then slowly followed the trail up onto the porch. When his gaze lingered on Renji's dirty socks, Renji swore for one agonizing second that he was going to die from shame alone. Then, when Byakuya's eyes finally met his, he wished he could die from embarrassment just to save himself the pain of being murdered.

"It was Renji's idea," Shuuhei said.

"What?" Renji squeaked and turned to stare in wide-eyed horror at his (now former) best friend.

Shuuhei was-- perhaps wisely-- not looking at him. "I'm sorry for letting him behave so irresponsibly, Kuchiki-Taichou. As usual, he had too much to drink, and thought it would be a good idea to surprise you."

"You little shit," Renji growled and grabbed Shuuhei by the front of his yukata. "You're the one who said we should--"

"Stop it."

Both of them paused, mid-argument, and slowly turned their heads to look at Byakuya, who now seemed-- if possible-- even more irritated by the situation. When no one said anything, Renji released his hold on Shuuhei and took a step back before bowing his head and trying to look contrite. From the corner of his eye, he saw Shuuhei do the same.

"Now, you will explain to us what happened, without making excuses or trying to qualify your actions," Byakuya instructed.

Renji darted another glance at Shuuhei, but his friend didn't seem inclined to do any storytelling, so he took a deep breath and muttered, "We wanted to celebrate Christmas with you guys-- y'know, like they do in the real world-- so we were gonna set everything up-- decorate and all that-- to surprise you when you got home from yer-- whatever you were doing. But see, we'd been drinking a little, and I guess we weren't too careful when we were bringin' stuff home."

"I see," Byakuya replied. "And what stuff might that be?"

Once again, Renji looked to Shuuhei for assistance, but Shuuhei seemed determined to keep staring at his feet. Not that Renji blamed him, really. It was bad enough that they'd wrecked half the house in their drunken stupor, but it was even worse to get caught in the aftermath by not just one but both of their lovers.

"If I may interject, Byakuya, maybe it's better if we see for ourselves?" Ukitake suggested. At least he was still smiling, Renji noted.

Unfortunately, Byakuya seemed to be growing less and less amused with the situation with every passing minute. In addition to the unmistakeable irritation in his eyes, there was the faintest trace of a scowl on his lips when he nodded in agreement to Ukitake, then looked expectantly at Renji and Shuuhei.

Renji swallowed hard and hung his head as he turned to lead the way into the house. When he stepped over the broken shards of the vase in the front hall, he didn't dare look back to see his captain's reaction. Byakuya's quiet hum told him everything he needed to know.

Dirty footprints led the way to the main room of the house, where their prize from the night before was haphazardly perched atop the low table near the hearth. The bush, which they had uprooted from the edge of the nearby forest, was missing half of its branches from having been dragged through the streets. They'd done their best to conceal the damage by putting it on its side with the roots sticking out over the back of the table. Since they hadn't had any traditional ornaments on hand, they'd improvised with a few of Renji's hair ties for ribbons and a handful of costume jewelry Shuuhei had managed to collect from Matsumoto and Yumichika. Half a dozen necklaces were draped around the bush and four pairs of earrings dangled from its branches. The uppermost ornament-- or what would have been the uppermost ornament, had the bush been right-side up-- was a silver and crystal tiara, the origins of which Shuuhei had refused to reveal.

There was a long, oppressive silence, during which Renji and Shuuhei glowered at the bush, Ukitake chuckled, and Byakuya--

Renji blinked and dared a glance at his lover's face.

Byakuya was laughing. It didn't quite reach his lips, but Renji could see it in his eyes and in the almost imperceptible shaking of his shoulders. A few second later, the suspicion was confirmed when Byakuya brought a hand up to hide his mouth and the barely noticeable lines around his eyes deepened.

"That's-- creative," Ukitake finally said. "I admit that I don't have firsthand experience when it comes to modern human celebrations of Christmas, but I'm fairly certain that isn't what a Christmas tree is supposed to look like."

Byakuya made a quiet sound in the back of his throat and shook his head.

"Though I have to admit, I'm glad you didn't decide to include lights in your decorations," Ukitake went on. "Given the nature of the other ornaments, I think any experiments with alternative lighting would have led to an even bigger catastrophe than dirtying Byakuya's floors."

There was a brief pause, and Byakuya turned away from the rest of them to take a deep, shaky breath. When he turned around again, he looked much more calm, though the corners of his lips were twitching. After eyeing Shuuhei and Renji for a moment, he said, "The two of you are going to spend the rest of the morning cleaning the front path, the porch, and the floors."

"Yes, Taichou," Renji and Shuuhei echoed in unison.

Byakuya nodded slightly, then added, "You will also collect the pieces of that vase you destroyed and take them into town to be glued back together."

"Yes, Taichou."

"In the future, Renji, you will not dismiss this house's servants without consulting me first."

"Yes, Taichou."

"Shuuhei, I expect you've learned your lesson about indulging my lieutenant's drunken whims?"

"Yes, Taichou."

Byakuya nodded again and tossed his hair back over his shoulder, then looked at Ukitake and asked, "Would you like to join me for tea, Juushirou?"

"I'd be delighted," Ukitake replied with a smile.

Renji and Shuuhei shared a look as their lovers turned to leave. When Shuuhei frowned and shrugged, Renji bit his lip for a second before saying, "Er, Taichou? Uh-- what d'you want us to do with the--" he gestured to the bush "--you know?"

Byakuya paused by the door to look over his shoulder, first at the bush, then at Renji. "If it's customary for us to have an uprooted plant in our home in celebration of the holiday, then I suppose you should leave it where it is for the time being."

"I--" Renji began, then paused and grinned when he saw Byakuya's faint, affectionate smile. "Yeah-- I mean uh-- yes, Taichou."

As soon as the two captains had gone, Renji and Shuuhei let out identical sighs, which quickly turned into relieved laughter.

"I thought for sure he was gonna kill us," Shuuhei said as he threw an arm around Renji's shoulders.

Renji shook his head. "Nah-- well, you maybe. Byakuya loves me too much to murder me. Well-- I think he does, anyway."

"Prick." Shuuhei snorted and flicked the tip of Renji's ear, then sighed and frowned at the bush. "D'you think maybe we should clean it up anyway, even though he told us to leave it? Maybe we could replace it with something a little nicer?"

"Nah," Renj replied softly, and reached out to rub one of the bush's bruised leaves between his thumb and forefinger. It really did look out of place in Byakuya's otherwise pristine home. But somehow, Renji got the feeling his lover had decided to keep it around because it was a little rough around the edges; it interrupted the too-perfect monotony of the rest of the room. Smiling to himself, Renji shook his head and repeated, "Nah, let's leave it. I think he kinda likes it. Now c'mon, stop bein' lazy and help me get the rest of this shit cleaned up."

"Yes, master," Shuuhei replied and rolled his eyes, then blushed and grinned. "Hey, you think maybe he went easy on us 'cause he's planning to punish us later?"

Renji huffed and gave Shuuhei a little push towards the doorway. "You wish, pervert."

Fic: Sometimes, Maybe

2008-12-16T20:19:01Z

Title: Sometimes, Maybe
Author: nishi_shinji
Universe: Gravitation
Characters: Yuki/Shuichi (cameo from Tatsuha)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: They'd been through situations like this before, though none of them had been quite this bad, and his reactions had ranged from angry lectures to outright yelling. But Yuki did none of those things.

Author's Notes: Requested by my darling usagixchan. Beta'ed by the beautiful ldybastet.

~YE~YE~YE~

Yuki knew something was wrong when he felt his mobile phone buzzing in his pocket. No one, not even Shuichi, dared to call him during a book signing unless it was an emergency. When he saw his brother's name flash on the the tiny screen, he hastily excused himself and ducked into the back room of the bookstore to answer the call.

Less than ten minutes later, he was in his car, having abandoned the book signing without a single word of explanation to his agent or the fans who had gathered to meet him. The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, even with him pushing the engine of his prized Mercedes to the point that it whined and clinked in protest. Thankfully, there were no police in sight, even though it was Christmas Eve and the roadways were packed with drunken revelers on their way from one holiday party to another. But that was for the best because he was determined to neither slow nor stop until he reached his destination, and even then, they would have had to drag him away by force.

The emergency room was mostly empty and he went straight to the registration desk. A tired-looking nurse glanced up at him through her glasses and opened her mouth to speak, probably to deliver some standardized speech about signing in and waiting, but Yuki cut her off with a growled, "Shindou Shuichi. Where is he?"

After a terse argument, he was finally led through a series of glass doors and to a small, private room in the treatment area. Shuichi was sitting up in bed, sniffling and gesturing to the fresh cast on his leg while Tatsuha patted his hand. They both looked up when Yuki edged around the privacy curtain, at which point Tatsuha sighed with obvious relief and Shuichi burst into tears.

"Oh Yuki-- Yuki, I'm so sorry," Shuichi wailed. "I didn't-- I was just trying to do something nice and I messed it all up and I'm sorry."

Once he'd done a quick visual inspection of the brat who, despite his broken leg and apologetic sobbing, seemed to be in one piece, Yuki held up a hand and snapped, "Slow down. What happened?"

Shuichi sniffled again and wiped the back of his arm over his eyes. His voice sounded as miserable as he looked when he began to explain, "I was just trying to-- I thought-- last year, you said you missed the snow on Christmas and I was-- I didn't mean to--"

"What did you do?" Yuki asked with a twinge of panic.

"Shuichi thought it would be nice to surprise you with snow," Tatsuha explained in that aggravating, placating tone he used whenever he was trying to keep Yuki from getting upset about something. "But the fake snow was more slippery than he thought it would be, and he fell when he was--"

"Wait," Yuki interrupted, holding up his hand and narrowing his eyes at Shuichi. "Where did you put the fake snow?"

"I swear I didn't know it would--" Shuichi began.

"Where, Shuichi?" Yuki snapped.

Shuichi swallowed a few times and his big, violet eyes welled up with fresh tears. "In the living room-- oh, Yuki, it was so stupid! I'm so sorry, Yuki!"

Yuki was very quietly horrified. Not only had he just had new carpeting put down in the living room, there was no telling what kind of damage had been done to the leather sofa and loveseat by whatever chemicals were in the mess Shuichi had made. But more than any of that, he was struck by the terrible thought that a broken leg could easily have been something much worse and that Shuichi would have been alone until morning, when Yuki would inevitably stumble home still drunk from his own private post-signing celebration.

"I'm sorry," Shuichi whispered, hanging his head so that his bright pink hair swung forward into his eyes.

Yuki knew what his lover was expecting. They'd been through situations like this before, though none of them had been quite this bad, and his reactions had ranged from angry lectures to outright yelling. But Yuki did none of those things. What he actually did was pinch the bridge of his nose, sigh, and mutter, "Let's get your discharge papers and go home so I can clean the shit up."

Shuichi glanced up then, but the hopeful look on his face faded when Yuki scowled at him. With a quiet whimper, he looked down at his hands and nodded.

~SS~SS~SS~

Yuki's absolute silence on the drive home from the hospital was nothing short of torture.

Shuichi had expected to be yelled at, or at the very least, to have his lover storm out of the hospital and leave him to Tasuha's mercy. But Yuki had sat by his bedside while they waited for the doctor to sign the release forms, only speaking to answer the nurse's questions and to bid his brother a very curt good night. After they'd been told that Shuichi was forbidden to use the hospital-issued crutches until the next morning, once the plaster had completely set, Yuki had picked him up and carried him to the car.

And Shuichi had cried quietly in the passenger seat, all the way home.

Because in the four years they'd been together, he'd become an expert at reading his lover's moods, and every time those moods shifted, Yuki became a different person. The Yuki he saw most often was a brooding, melancholy man who shuffled through the apartment with a coffee cup in his hand and a frown on his face, lost in a world of his own making. Sometimes, their routine was broken by those rare, coveted moments when Yuki smiled at him-- however briefly-- and left him feeling warm and safe and cared for. But then something would go wrong, and that Yuki would be replaced with the Yuki who sneered and scowled and berated him for his stupidity.

And then there was the Yuki who sat beside him on the ride home from the hospital: silent, and distant, and cold.

Shuichi was terrified. By the time he was lifted out of the car and cradled against Yuki's chest, he was a trembling, sobbing mess. And when Yuki pushed open the door of the apartment and let out a quiet sigh, Shuichi had to press a hand against his mouth and close his eyes to keep his nausea at bay. Because he knew this version of Yuki far too well, and he'd hoped to heaven they would never have to meet again.

"I'm so sorry," Shuichi whispered as he was carried into the bedroom and placed, very carefully, in the center of Yuki's enormous bed.

Yuki sighed and looked away before muttering, "Go to sleep."

Shuichi bit back a sob and threw an arm over his eyes, only to fling it away again when he heard the bedroom door creak. Yuki was silhouetted by the light from the hallway, but Shuichi didn't need to see his lover's face to recognize the exhausted way Yuki carried himself. Twisting his fingers in the sheets, Shuichi whispered, "I love you, Yuki."

There was no reply; Yuki just stood there for a moment before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind him with a quiet click. For Shuichi, the sound may as well have been the slamming of a gavel, passing judgment on his naive stupidity, and he buried his face in the pillows to cry himself to sleep.

When Shuichi woke the next morning, the apartment was still and silent. A surge of panic welled up inside him and he stifled a quiet whimper when he opened his eyes and found himself alone in the bed. All of his fears from the night before weighed down on him, making his throat tighten and his heart stop beating for a moment before he forced himself to take a gasping breath.

Needing to see for himself whether or not Yuki was actually gone, he slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The cast banged against the bedframe and he winced as he reached for the crutches that were propped against the nightstand. Finding them there made him smile humorlessly; if he had, in fact, been abandoned by his lover, then at least he would have the means to hobble his way to Yuki's closet, where he would inevitably curl up with one of Yuki's shirts and sob until K or Tatsuha came by and found him.

Eventually, he managed to heft himself onto his one good foot and, with the help of the crutches, he carefully made his way out into the hall. Before he even set foot into the living room, he knew something had changed, but it wasn't the kind of change he'd been expecting. The apartment smelled different. There was the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and aftershave that had always clung to Yuki's hair and skin, but there was something else now: something crisp and fresh that reminded him of warm apple cider and Christmas mornings at home with his mother.

When he rounded the corner into the living room, the sight that greeted him was so shocking that it made him stumble and put a hand against the wall to steady himself.

An enormous fir tree dominated the far corner of the room, decked in blinking fairy lights and multicolored glass bulbs that reflected little dots of color onto the white walls. Pine garlands were strung up along the tops of the windows and a sprig of mistletoe hung in the doorway that led to the kitchen. Every trace of fake snow had been cleaned from the floor and coffee table, both of which were now strewn with bits of blue wrapping paper and scraps of pink ribbon.

And amidst all of this, curled into a tiny ball in the corner of the couch and fast asleep, was Yuki.

Shuichi could feel his eyes stinging as he hobbled over and perched on the edge of the couch, and when he reached out to brush the hair away from Yuki's forehead, the tears spilled over and trickled down his cheeks. When Yuki made a quiet humming sound in his sleep, Shuichi swallowed around the tight ache in his throat and cupped the side of his lover's face in his palm.

"Mm, Shu?" Yuki mumbled and stirred a little in response to the touch.

"Baka, you're going to catch a cold, sleeping out here," Shuichi whispered with a soft, choked laugh. And though there were times when he thought he'd give anything to be able to hold back his tears, this wasn't one of them. What was happening between them, at that very moment, was so subtly yet deeply important that he thought it deserved to have one of them show a little emotion.

Then Yuki murmured something unintelligible and reached up to pull Shuichi down beside him, and the stillness of the moment was broken. Shuichi's leg bumped into the coffee table and he squeaked, which was followed by a few minutes of twisting and grumbling from both of them before he finally managed to rearrange himself so that the cast was out of the way.

"Sorry, I forgot you're a gimp now," Yuki muttered as he uncurled to make more room for Shuichi, then pulled him close.

Shuichi laughed again and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand before whispering, "You have tinsel in your hair."

Yuki huffed and pushed a hand up underneath the back of Shuichi's shirt.

Not very long ago at all, Shuichi would have asked why: why they hadn't fought about the disaster from the night before, why Yuki had stayed up all night decorating the apartment, why Yuki's hand was pressed against the small of his back, keeping him close. But now, after all the times they'd hurt each other and all the times they'd held the pieces of one another's hearts in their hands, he found, suddenly, that he didn't need to ask; he already knew. And Yuki would never say it, not really, but he'd think it-- and every once in awhile, maybe, he'd show it. That was good enough for Shuichi.

So Shuichi just smiled, feeling warm and safe for what he thought might really be the first time in his life, and nuzzled his cheek against his lover's chest. "Merry Christmas, Yuki."

There was a pause, then Yuki sighed and whispered, "Merry Christmas, brat."

Fic: And to All

2008-12-09T17:58:52Z

Title: And to All
Author: nishi_shinji
Universe: Final Fantasy
Characters: Genesis/Angeal/Zack (implied Genesis/Angeal/Zack/Sephiroth)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: Only Genesis could make something as utterly wicked as what they were about to do seem laden with benevolent intentions.

Author's Notes: Requested by crimson89. Beta'ed by ldybastet.

Only Genesis could make something as utterly wicked as what they were about to do seem laden with benevolent intentions. Of course, that was precisely why he'd been the one to organize the coup: not only was he a master of manipulation, disinformation, and subterfuge, he knew exactly how to push other people's buttons-- especially when those buttons belonged to one General Sephiroth.

Unfortunately, convincing Angeal and Zack to go along with the plan hadn't gone quite as smoothly as he'd hoped; Angeal's pesky morals had made him hesitant to agree and Zack still harbored a healthy but altogether unnecessary fear of his superior officers (even though three of those officers had, as of late, developed a habit of taking him to bed with them on a regular basis). But a few whispered promises and a flutter of Genesis's enviable lashes had finally coaxed them into agreeing, and they gathered in Sephiroth's quarters on the night of Christmas Eve, armed with all the tools necessary to ensure that their unsuspecting lover would receive a gift not soon forgotten.

Their guest of honor was yet to arrive, which gave them enough time to ensure that everything was prepared in advance. For their somewhat nefarious purposes, this meant undressing Zack and binding his wrists with blue silk, then winding the other end of the wide ribbon around the headboard of Sephiroth's bed. After some initial-- and Genesis suspected purely perfunctory-- protests from Zack, the young man had relaxed a bit and was watching Genesis with curious interest.

"Are you comfortable, Puppy?" Genesis murmured as he leaned down to kiss the light flush on Zack's cheeks.

"Yeah, just a little nervous," Zack replied, licking his lips. "I mean, you know, what if he gets mad at us for tricking him?"

"Now why in the world would he be angry when the reward for his torment is you?" Genesis asked with a honey-sweet smile.

Zack laughed softly and turned his head to look at Angeal, who was watching them with obvious amusement. "How much longer 'til he gets here?"

"The message should reach him in thirty minutes," Angeal replied after glancing at the clock on the nightstand. There was a hint of a smile on his face as he hooked a finger under the silk knotted around Zack's wrists and gave it a light tug.

Meanwhile, Genesis stood and shrugged his coat off, letting it puddle on the floor at his feet. Once he was sure he had Angeal and Zack's attention, he offered them a wink, then turned away to unfasten his trousers and slowly push them down until the waistband was resting just below the curve of his arse.

"Private Fair, I do believe General Rhapsodos is teasing us on purpose," Angeal said quietly, and oh, Genesis definitely had his attention, judging by the heated expression on his face.

"Teasing? Me?" Genesis drawled as he worked his trousers the rest of the way off and crawled onto the bed to kiss Angeal's smirking lips. Pulling away, he offered both of his lovers a sly wink and whispered, "I'm just making sure the mood is set for the rest of the evening's festivities."

"I think our Puppy's current state would be enough to put any man in the mood," Angeal replied with a pointed glance at Zack's cock, which was lying half-hard against his naked hip.

Zack blushed, but the grin that accompanied the flush was anything but shy.

"Mm, he does make a lovely gift," Genesis murmured as he pushed the hair back from Zack's forehead. "But I can't help thinking he isn't quite finished yet."

Angeal's eyebrow rose by a fraction and Genesis smiled. There were a few details of his plan that he'd conveniently forgotten to mention to his lovers, two of which involved scraps of the same blue silk he'd used to bind Zack's wrists. Genesis picked up the shorter length and held it in his hand, as if weighing it, before looking down at Zack and purring, "Open your mouth, Puppy."

After a glance at Angeal, who nodded, Zack obeyed. When the ribbon was placed in his mouth, between his teeth, his eyes widened, but he didn't protest; he even lifted his head off the pillow to let Genesis tie the ends together at the base of his skull.

"You're such a good boy," Genesis crooned, stroking Zack's cheek with the backs of his knuckles.

Angeal hummed and ran a fingertip over the makeshift gag. "Is it too tight?"

Zack shook his head and tried to say something, but his response was muffled by the ribbon.

"We're almost done wrapping you," Genesis murmured as he slid both hands down Zack's inner thighs. "Lift your knees for me, precious."

Again, Zack obeyed, but as soon as Genesis began unwinding the rest of the ribbon, Angeal grabbed his wrist and said, "He's nervous enough; I don't want him to be completely immobilized."

"Nonsense." Genesis laughed and pulled his hand away to brush his thumb over Zack's balls, which were already beginning to pull up close to his body. "You're not afraid, are you, pet?"

The flush on Zack's cheeks darkened and he hesitantly shook his head.

Angeal looked distinctly displeased with the turn of events, but he finally settled back against the headboard with a quiet huff. The look that he shot Genesis, however, clearly said that he would be keeping a close eye on the proceedings and wouldn't hesitate to hold Genesis personally responsible if something went wrong.

Genesis blew him a kiss in response.

The rest of the blue silk was cut into two neat halves, both of which Genesis tied around Zack's thighs, just above his knees. Once he had tested the knots, Genesis tied the other ends of the ribbon to the headboard of Sephiroth's bed, pulling Zack's knees to his chest and forcing his arse to lift off of the mattress.

By the time Genesis was finished, Zack was panting softly through his nose and his toes were rhythmically curling and uncurling.

"Oh my," Genesis breathed. "I think he likes this, Angeal."

"So it would seem," Angeal conceded, staring down at Zack.

Genesis followed Angeal's gaze, and when he spotted Zack's rather impressive erection now leaking precome onto the boy's belly, he hummed with approval. After leaning down to press a soft, affectionate kiss to Zack's forehead, Genesis slithered down the bed so he could run the tip of his tongue up the back of the boy's trembling thigh. The already strained muscles tensed further, and he bit down, earning himself a quiet whimper from Zack.

"I'd suspected you'd enjoy this, but I had no idea you'd be so responsive, Puppy," Genesis purred, then retraced the path of his tongue with his lips. Once he reached the curve of the boy's arse, he bit down again, and hummed with pleasure when Zack's hips jerked.

"A tease? You?" Angeal chuckled good-naturedly and shook his head. "If you're not careful, one of us will end up unwrapping him."

Genesis offered his friend a slow, lazy grin, then flicked his tongue across Zack's entrance. Over the sound of the boy's keening moan, he drawled, "I won't let that happen, darling; I'm just ensuring that our dearly beloved receives his gift in prime condition."

Zack tried to say something then-- something that sounded very much like a plea-- but it was unintelligible through the silk.

"What's that, precious?" Genesis murmured, nuzzling Zack's balls with the tip of his nose. "You want us to prepare you so we needn't waste any time when Sephiroth arrives?"

The quiet, frustrated groan Gensis received in response made him laugh softly, and he bowed his head to run the flat of his tongue up the cleft of Zack's arse. On his way back down, he pressed the tip of his forefinger into the boy's hole and lapped at the skin around it. When he pushed further inside, Zack's muscles clenched around him, and Genesis exhaled sharply against his young lover's damp skin. It was almost a shame that'd they'd already bequeathed Zack to Sephiroth for the evening. There were some gifts that Genesis was loath to give away.

But the way Zack was moaning and twisting in his bonds almost made up for the disappointment, and Genesis gave in to the boy's wordless begging. A second finger joined the first and he spread them apart until he could work his tongue in between them. Zack mewled low in his throat, then gasped through his nose when Genesis used the other hand to give his balls a light squeeze.

The bed shifted, and Genesis froze when he felt Angeal's large, calloused hands stroking his lower back. When two fingers skimmed downwards and rubbed over his entrance, he moaned softly and shifted to give his dear friend better access. There was a quiet spitting sound behind him, and when he felt Angeal's saliva drip down the cleft of his arse, he echoed Zack's soft whine and pressed his hips back. Had anyone, anyone else had the audacity to spit on him, Genesis would have been in a murderous rage. But when Angeal did it-- oh, it made his skin burn and his cock jerk between his thighs.

"Mm, for all your pomp and circumstance, you're still a filthy little farm boy at heart, aren't you, Genesis?" Angeal whispered against his ear.

Genesis had to pull his mouth away from Zack to moan when he felt those teasing fingers begin to slowly sink into his body. Frustrated by Angeal's obvious determination to drive him out of his mind, he twisted his wrist and pressed hard against Zack's prostate with his fingers.

Angeal chuckled softly and, just as slowly, withdrew his fingers. "There's no reason to take your annoyance out on our poor Puppy."

"Our poor Puppy isn't the one being tortured," Genesis bit out, then reached back to grab at Angeal's shirt and pull him closer.

"You're spoiled and demanding," Angeal murmured. "Someone needs to teach you a lesson in patience."

Genesis opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a startled gasp when sharp teeth bit down on the nape of his neck and Angeal's fingers thrust into him hard enough to send him rocking forward on his knees. Overcome by the sudden onslaught of sensation, he pulled his hand away from Zack's arse and plunged his tongue into the boy's body instead. Zack's yelp and subsequent squirming made Genesis moan softly and push back against Angeal's fingers, trying to get them deeper inside.

They were so caught up in one another that none of them heard the front door open. It wasn't until Sephiroth's somewhat panicked voice echoed through the apartment, calling their names, that Genesis paused and lifted his head. Then, there was a flurry of motion as Angeal pulled away and scrambled off the bed with Genesis following shortly thereafter. Zack-- the poor, precious boy-- growled with obvious frustration and slammed his head back against the pillows a few times before whimpering in dismay.

By the time the door of the bedroom flew open, Genesis and Angeal were both standing beside the bed. When Sephiroth stormed into the room, then came to an abrupt halt, Genesis smiled and said, rather breathlessly, "Welcome home."

"I--" Sephiroth broke off, staring at Zack, then seemed to collect himself and glared at Genesis and Angeal. "I just received a message that there was an emergency. What happened?"

Genesis laughed, soft and breathy, and went forward to take Sephiroth's hands in his. Leading their prey closer to the bed, he purred, "Stop blustering, lover, and come see what we've made for you."

Sephiroth's gaze shifted again and his eyes darkened, and Genesis knew that the ambush had already been forgiven. Not that there'd been any doubt, of course. After all, he knew precisely how to push Sephiroth's buttons, and he was absolutely certain that seeing Zack bound with blue ribbon, panting and flushed and desperate to be fucked, had done that job splendidly.

"Do you like it?" Genesis whispered, molding himself against Sephiroth's side and smiling when he felt Angeal slip up behind him to stroke his naked hip.

"I would say that you shouldn't have, but that would be a shameless lie," Sephiroth replied as he moved away to shed his coat. Then, he crawled onto the bed to run a fingertip over the blue silk knotted around Zack's wrists and murmured, "Yes, I like it."

Genesis hummed and leaned back against Angeal's chest, grinding his arse against the other man's still-clothed erection. Lifting an arm up and behind his head, he looped it around Angeal's neck and sighed softly when Angeal's hand skimmed up from his hip to his chest. In a slow, lazy drawl, he said, "Now, do be sure to unwrap your gift once you've finished playing with it."

But Sephiroth clearly wasn't listening; he'd already pressed two fingers into the boy's saliva-slicked hole and was watching Zack's reactions as if in a trance.

Angeal had apparently noticed their lover's preoccupation as well, because he chuckled and whispered, "I suppose a congratulations is in order; you seem to have outdone yourself."

"Of course I have," Genesis purred as he turned his head for a slow, teasing kiss. When they broke away, he smiled and whispered, "Was there ever any doubt?"

Angeal's eyebrow lifted again, then he shook his head and murmured, "Merry Christmas."

Genesis closed his eyes and dragged his lips across Angeal's ear to whisper, "And to all a very good night, indeed."

Ficlet: Sweet Prince

2008-12-08T06:40:40Z

Title: Sweet Prince
Author: nishi_shinji
Universe: Loveless
Characters: Nisei/Seimei
Rating: R
Warnings: Dark!fic, pseudo-vampirism, implied incest & chan
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine.

Summary: You are his very own prince of sorrow, crowned by martyrdom and draped in a mantle of self-sacrifice.

Author's Notes: Requested by ladypratt. I don't know if this is exactly what you had in mind, but it's all my brain would give me for your prompt. Also, this is un-beta'ed.

One day, he will know the truth.

You are his very own prince of sorrow, crowned by martyrdom and draped in a mantle of self-sacrifice. Even when faced with the inarguable proof of your corruption, he worships you. Your name on his beautiful lips is synonymous with 'god' and 'lover' and cobalt skies that smell of sunlight.

What would he say, your sweet little brother, if he could see you like this, with your legs spread and my mouth fastened to your thigh? Because here with me, when your breathing is labored and your blood is throbbing hot in your veins, you're my virginal whore, a tainted sacrifice of innocence in my bed.

And you'll never know what I've seen inside you; your beautiful, arrogant mind would never suspect that I've witnessed the darkest and most coveted of your secrets. I've tasted your sad obsession and the memory of your sick, wandering hands on his skin. I've heard the echoes of your sighs as he pressed against you in the night, running from imaginary monsters only to seek refuge in a creature much more dangerous than anything his childish fear could conjure. I know that all of your strength, all of your brutality, all of your earnest devotion to manipulation and destruction can be harnessed and wielded by a small boy with melancholy eyes.

I know how to bring about the destruction of your fragile little kingdom.

You've given me that gift, torn from your own chest and cradled in your hands for me to feast on. You've bled that power into me with wordless gasps and trembling sighs. You've driven the nails a little further into your own palms every time I've whispered "nii-san" against your bloodied thighs and heard your breath shudder from your lungs.

And each time you push me away, each time you wrap your stained silk robe more tightly around your hips and stalk from the room with your head high and shoulders straight, I wonder if you've gone to wash away the memory of my touch or the evidence of your own guilt. And each time I lie there in the dark with the taste of your blood fresh in my mouth and the ghosts of your past lingering in the air around me, I smile.

Because one day, sweet prince, he will know the truth, and on that day, I will take your throne and crown myself in the broken remains of your sadistic love.

Non-fic: Christmas Gifts

2008-12-04T07:13:56Z

I need inspiration, you guys need more porn... do you see where this is going? Leave me a comment with a prompt you'd like me to write for. It can be as detailed or as vague as you want it. Right now, I can promise that the first ten people to comment will get at least a drabble out of me (but I'll try to write for as many prompts as I can and make the stories as long as I can).