Fic: The Road to Truth (1/?)

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

Title: The Road to Truth (1/?)
Authors: ldybastet & nishi_shinji
Universe: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Renji
Rating: PG this chapter, NC-17 overall
Other Chapters: Chapter Listing
Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't ours. No people, either real or fictional, were hurt in the writing of this story (much to Renji's relief).

Summary: “The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.” -Alexander Jablokov

Author's Notes: Crossposted at ldybastet's journal.

"Look, this isn't as bad as it seems," Renji said.

Judging by the expression on Byakuya's face, Renji was the only one who felt that way. Of course, Byakuya probably had a point-- albeit a silent one. Finding themselves trapped in a cave together was pretty high on the list of things that could go wrong during a sparring session. Even so, it could be worse, Renji figured. They could be dead, for example. Unfortunately, he didn't didn't get the impression that his captain was in the mood to look on the bright side.

Byakuya sighed, looking elegantly disgruntled, and stared at the pile of rubble that had once been the entrance to the cave. "This would not have happened if you had more control over your bankai," he said as he studied their only known escape route. "When the rock slide began, did you even once consider pushing me to the side instead of into the cave? Did you stop to consider that I could have flash-stepped out of the way?"

Renji blinked.

"No, I didn't think so."

A heavy silence fell, broken only by the occasional rustling of rocks and rubble settling, and the drip-drip-drip of water from somewhere deeper in the cave. The quiet was unnerving and Renji shifted his weight from one foot to the other. What they needed to do was find a way out, and quickly, before he got fidgety and irritated Byakuya even more. "Can't we just move the rocks somehow? I mean, you're good at kidou and there has to be some kind of spell... or maybe I could use my bankai again?"

"No, you are not using your bankai again," Byakuya replied with a disapproving frown. "Anything we do from inside might cause the cave to collapse further."

Renji decided to take that as his cue to shut the hell up, so he bowed his head and scratched the back of his neck.

Eventually, Byakuya seemed to come sort of conclusion about their predicament, because he turned and closed his eyes. A few whispered words conjured a ball of blue-white light in his palm, and it grew larger as he extended his hand and looked at the walls of the cavern. "We'll survey the cave and see if there's another entrance to it," he said, and started walking.

"Hey! Wait!" Renji followed quickly, not wanting to be left behind in the darkness but also maintaining a respectful distance between them.

The cave eventually narrowed into a passage, and at one point, when the passage curved and Byakuya went ahead without waiting for Renji, the light almost disappeared. Feeling a little embarrassed by his fear of the dark, Renji ran to catch up with his captain, who barely glanced back at him before facing forward again. Byakuya's ability to dismiss a person without even speaking was one of the things that aggravated Renji most about his captain, but as usual, he decided not to mention it. For now, staying close to the light was more important than getting into an argument.

Finally, the passage became wider again, opening up into a much larger cave than the first. The air was cooler there, without a trace of the dust from the cave-in. The dripping was louder too, echoing off the walls that were hiding outside the reach of their light. Renji tried not to make it too obvious that he was all but attached to Byakuya's side. The less constricting space was a relief compared to the narrow passage, but he wasn't fond of not being able to see the ceiling or walls.

After they'd walked the perimeter of the room together and concluded that there wasn't an alternate route out of the cave, Byakuya announced, "We'll stay here for now."

"What?" Renji spluttered. "No, no, why are we staying here? Why aren't we finding another way out?"

Byakuya sighed quietly and dropped the ball of light, which expanded as it hit the floor and began to give off a more intense glow. "There is only one way out, and it is currently blocked by rubble that could collapse further if we meddle with it. Because of that risk, not to mention the dust at the entrance of the cave, we're staying here."

"But--" Renji began, then fell silent when he realized that nothing he could say was likely to make a bit of difference to Byakuya. Instead, he stuffed his hands into the sleeves of his kimono and dropped into a crouch.

Byakuya sat down on a rock, rested his hands on his knees, and closed his eyes. Renji had no idea how he could be so calm or even think of meditating in a place like this. The longer Byakuya sat like that, the more uncomfortable Renji became. It was almost like being alone... apart from the fact that he wasn't, and that only made it worse. Once again, Byakuya was just ignoring him, shutting him out. He should be used to it, he guessed, but he wasn't, and he wondered if he would ever be.

Eventually, the anxiety and irritation became too much and Renji shoved himself to his feet. Pacing helped relieve his restlessness, but didn't do much to curb the spikes of adrenaline surging through him every time he thought he heard something over the dripping of the water.

"Fidgeting isn't going to get us out any faster." Byakuya cracked one eye open to glare at him.

Renji snapped a retort before he could stop himself: "Neither is sitting around and waiting."

"I'm not sitting around, waiting, as you so eloquently put it," Byakuya said with a look of bored contempt on his face.

"What are you doing then, because to me it sure looks like--"

"I'm trying to pinpoint and reach Ukitake-Taichou's reiatsu. If I can feel him accurately from here, that means these rocks do not contain any energy blocking minerals and he can feel me from where he is. Now be quiet."

"What good will that do?" Renji asked, pacing again. "He doesn't know he has to reach out and feel your reiatsu. Or do you have some kind of weird agreement to always do that at three o'clock in the afternoon, every day?"

"Renji," Byakuya snapped. "Sit down."

Renji knew, from the tone of his captain's voice, that he'd gone too far, but he was too worked up to care. "I'd rather--"

"Don't make me repeat myself."

Renji sat down.

As soon as he did, he was hit by the full force of Byakuya's spiritual pressure, released all at once. Renji gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. It was as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the cave; his head was swimming and his chest ached. The pressure kept building and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears, could see white sparks pulsing behind his closed eyelids. And then, just when he thought he couldn't take it any more, it stopped.

"Fuck!"

"Now we wait," Byakuya said.

Renji had never been very good at waiting, but he didn't much feel like fighting with Byakuya either, so he sighed and tucked his legs up underneath him. Silence fell between them again, interrupted only by the low hum of the glowing orb and the ever-present dripping of water. The remnants of his captain's reiatsu were making Renji's skin tingle, and he rubbed at his arms and the back of his neck. There was no way to tell how much time had passed, but when it felt like they'd been sitting there for hours, he pushed to his feet and began pacing again.

"Abarai-Fukutaichou," Byakuya said.

It was obviously a warning, but Renji was too agitated to sit still, even if that meant arguing with his captain. At least bickering would be better than enduring the looming silence that hovered around them. Twisting his fingers in the fabric of his kimono, he snapped, "I can't fuckin' sit anymore, Taichou; I'm going crazy."

"And frustrated pacing will keep insanity at bay?" Byakuya asked. "You're wasting your energy."

"It's my energy! I can do whatever I want with it!" Renji knew he was being childish and immature, but when Byakuya didn't even bother to reply, Renji was momentarily furious. Then the anger subsided, the hasty flame dimming to a dull, familiar throb of disappointment that he was once again being ignored.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Renji asked suddenly, before he could stop himself. He hadn't meant to say the words aloud, but it was too late to take them back.

Byakuya didn't say anything for a long time; he just looked up at Renji with a serene expression on his face. It was only when the moment had gone from being awkward to almost unbearable that he asked, "What gives you the impression that I hate you?"

That wasn't the reply Renji had been expecting, and he found that he didn't have a suitable answer-- well, actually, he could think of more than a few answers, but he didn't think actually saying them aloud to Byakuya was a good idea. After blinking for a few seconds, he huffed and looked away. "C'mon Taichou, what's the point in pretending? You've hated me since day one."

"Such a strong feeling is very personal. I don't know you well enough to hate you," Byakuya said.

"Then why are you always glaring at me, or looking at me like I'm not even worthy to lick your-- um... boots?"

"I don't wear boots," Byakuya replied and Renji couldn't tell if that strange little twitch at the corner of his mouth was a sign of amusement. He hoped so, because otherwise he was fucked. "I don't think I look at you differently than I look at others. I certainly don't single you out. You're my subordinate, and as long as you're doing your job, everything is as it should be."

Renji wasn't sure hearing that Byakuya didn't care at all made it better. At least hate was personal, like Byakuya had said. "So if I'm the same as all the others-- did you even know who I was before I was assigned to your division?"

"Of course I knew who you were." Byakuya sounded a little impatient. It wasn't much, but Renji was beginning to be able to pick up those nuances now. "I had your records, your evaluations and test results from the academy, the recommendation that you be assigned to Eleventh Division and then transferred to Sixth Division. I knew you came to the academy together with Rukia. I didn't accept you as my lieutenant on a whim."

"So basically what you're saying is that I'm just--" Renji broke off and looked away. Of course Byakuya viewed him as just another employee; that's exactly what he was. What he couldn't figure out was why that idea bothered him so much. It wasn't as if they were friends, and he wasn't even sure he'd want them to be, given how different they were. Renji couldn't see himself spending time with his captain the way he did with Ikkaku and Shuuhei, drinking and sparring and getting into trouble. But he couldn't shake the feeling that two men who were supposed to trust each other with their lives should be a little closer, at least. "You don't care what happens to anyone, do you?" Renji asked quietly.

"Are you still angry that I wouldn't let you save Rukia?"

"No. Yeah... No. More that you wouldn't let anyone save her from being killed. No brother should behave like that. It's not right." Renji sighed and sat down again. "It's just not right."

"I know," Byakuya said. "I was wrong."

Renji looked at him. It was said so calmly, without a trace of hesitation. What kind of man was Kuchiki Byakuya, he wondered, that he could so easily accept and admit that he'd made such a huge mistake? "I know she's forgiven you..."

"But you can't."

"I don't know."

Byakuya nodded, and once again they fell silent. The dripping that had been so annoying at first, driving home the unfamiliarity of their surroundings, had become a way of measuring time. It was a slow, steady sound that gave Renji something to focus on while thinking.

"You never came to visit her," Byakuya said suddenly.

"What? When?"

"After she was adopted into my family. You never came to visit her."

Renji looked down at his feet, feeling his cheeks heat. "I-- I didn't want to destroy anything for her, her new life and everything. It was her chance at happiness."

"How would you have destroyed that?" Byakuya sounded puzzled, as if he really couldn't see the many ways Renji would have been a disaster in Rukia's life. "You were her friend and you never came to see her. Is that as it should be?"

"No..." Renji swallowed.

"So, we've both been wrong. Learn from your mistakes and they become experience, stay ignorant and the mistakes are the same."

A sound suddenly echoed through the caves-- a rock fell, and another, or perhaps it was the same and the echo was playing tricks on them. Byakuya and Renji both looked towards the narrow passage they'd come in through. Then there was the unmistakable sound of more rocks shifting, falling, rolling, and Byakuya got to his feet.

"They're here."

"How do you know? Maybe the entrance is caving in more!" Renji stepped back from Byakuya, suddenly realizing he'd jumped to his feet and grabbed his captain's arm.

Byakuya turned to look at Renji and there was actually a small smile on his lips. "Because that is Ukitake-Taichou's reiatsu. If you were calm enough, you'd be able to feel it too."

"I am calm!"

"Hello? Kuchiki-Taichou? Abarai-san?"

Renji scowled; as glad as he was that they were being rescued, he was perturbed at being proven wrong. All the same, he edged around his captain and yelled, "We're down here!"

"Please stand back from the entrance!" Ukitake's distorted words came back to them.

"Okay!" Renji replied, not bothering to explain that they were in a cave further inside as it really didn't matter as long as they could get back out again.

Suddenly, there was a deafening rumble from the outer cave, enhanced by the echoes that made it sound as if the explosion never ended. A whiff of dusty air came through the passage and tumbled into the cavern. Renji looked at Byakuya, but the man still looked unfazed, as if there was no need to worry whatsoever. When it was silent again, they heard Ukitake's voice.

"Are you all right? There's room for you to climb out now."

Byakuya strode towards the passage and the shadows, on the way to freedom. Renji hurried after him, eager to leave the place and never return. The tunnel wasn't as dark now that there was a slight haze of light before them, and it felt like they reached the outer cavern much faster than it had taken them to travel in the other direction.

The entrance wasn't fully cleared, but Ukitake had been right: there was room for them to climb over the rocks and the rubble.

They climbed carefully, but rocks shifted under their feet anyway, making it an exercise in both balance and nerve. "Easy," Ukitake warned. "We can't clear more of it right now. It doesn't look stable." He reached out a hand from the other side to help Byakuya and then Renji out. When they were safely back on solid ground, he looked at them."I'm glad to find you both alive and well. How on earth did you wind up in there?"

"Renji still hasn't gained full control of his bankai," Byakuya replied, as calm and distant as ever.

Renji felt his cheeks heat in response to the thinly veiled reprimand. It was annoying enough to be chastised in private, but he didn't appreciate having it done in front of another superior officer.

"I see," said Ukitake and looked at the cave entrance. Judging by the doubtful expression on his face, he clearly thought there was more to the story than that, but he didn't ask any other questions and Byakuya didn't offer any further explanation.

"Thank you for coming so swiftly," Byakuya said instead.

"I wasn't sure the cave could take much force after it had been so thoroughly smashed already, so it was good that I brought a few men with me to clear the path," Ukitake said, nodding towards five men standing to attention at the side. He handed a bottle of water to Byakuya, who drank deeply and then passed it to Renji.

"We'll practice again later this week," Byakuya told him.

Renji felt his eyes widen. After this mishap, Byakuya was still intent on helping him make his bankai stronger? Didn't anything ever shake that man, or make him lose his confidence? Then a thought struck him, and he turned to Ukitake. "How did you know we were in trouble?"

Ukitake smiled. "How often do you feel that kind of reiatsu unleashed? I knew you were going to be here, and found it very odd that he'd release it like that just for training you."

"I'll file an incident report so that the other divisions know that this area is off limits until the rubble has been cleared," Byakuya announced, and without a backwards glance at Renji, began making his way down the side of the cliff. Even when trying to keep his balance over the rocky terrain, his head was held high and his shoulders were straight.

Renji watched his captain leave, wondering how the hell Kuchiki Byakuya could make something as simple as walking away seem so unnaturally graceful. A hand on his shoulder startled him, and he glanced over to find Ukitake beside him, smiling. Renji shook his head a little and muttered, "I don't get him."

"Kuchiki-Taichou is a difficult man to understand." Ukitake nodded. "But Abarai-san, he is still just a man, after all."

There were times when Renji doubted that very much, but he decided not to say so. With a quiet sigh, he nodded and followed his captain down the hillside with Ukitake and the others trailing behind him. One day, he would be leading instead of following, he told himself.

Nishizono Shinji

Fic: The Road to Truth (1/?)